The Rules Of Cuddling

The Rules Of Cuddling

Please check out our rules of cuddling etiquette.

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Cuddling is not an all night thing. There. I said it. That doesn't mean men don't think it's great. Who doesn't love to spoon, nuzzle, or cradle? But there are limits, people.

Snuggling should last no more than ten minutes. After that, each party should return to their respective sides of the bed. During this break, they can use the bathroom or make a sandwich. There should be at least twenty minutes of non-cuddle time inbetween episodes of cuddling. I don't think this is unreasonable.

Just because a man needs some space doesn't mean he has intimacy issues. It can get sweaty in an amorous embrace. This is just reality.

Many woman interpret a man's fidgetiness as rejection. This is just not true. Some women treat their men like parachutes. They hold on for dear life. What she thinks is a "cuddle" is actually a death grip, a python's hug. She is a barnacle and he is the hull of a pirate's ship.

Look, I'm all man, and I have the big, round, hairy toe knuckles to prove it. I'm not even afraid to be the inside spoon. If she wants to wrap her arms around me, fine. I don't have to be the protective love shell. But after ten minutes of holding each other close, I get sweaty. Antsy. Restless, like a lonesome bull made out of tornados.

Now I know that plenty of women think that men are brutes. The slightest sign of tender affection, and we react like a vampire unwittingly using a Holy water bidet. But there's a reason stuffed animals are called Teddy Bears, and not Tina or Tonya Bears. Hello, the "'bear hug?" Dudes practically invented the non-lethal squeeze.

However, quality cuddling isn't determined by duration of time. Longer is not better. A good horizontal hug is about intensity. It's about pulling someone into your chest. Breathing with them, sharing a quiet moment, and briefly allowing your souls to melt together like the gooey innards of a grilled cheese sandwich. Then letting go. This is mostly practical: I like to sleep on my stomach. I can't sleep comfortably if I'm tangled up with another person. You know what's sexy? Two people panting after sex, and fumbling to find each other in the dark. You know what's not sexy? Finding that person and discovering she's a needy leech person with suction cup fingertips.

Guys get so much heat for banging and bolting, railing and bouncing. But we love to cuddle. Seriously. We want to cuddle. Our big, muscular arms were made to hold onto those we love for dear life. We want to be held, too. But not for hours at a time. What if a bear attacks at night? We need to be free, in order to wrestle that bear!

To recap: cuddling is not a marathon sport. We'll all be a lot happier if you just accept these facts of life. Snuggling is like making out - you have to come up for air eventually.

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A Letter To My Angel, Amanda

Rest Easy Angel 11.07.18

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Amanda,

Your death has been the hardest thing for me to accept because every day I knew you, you were so full of life. You were radiant. Your presence lit up every room you walked into and your infectious laugh filled it. You cared for everyone and put others before yourself. You were one of my first forever friends.

You accepted and loved me for everything I was and everything I was not. You kept me company whether we were sitting in my basement doing nothing at all or spending the day in New York City. You were constantly making me laugh and were always there for me.

I scroll through my camera roll and your Facebook all the time and there are so many random pictures of us that I can't place, that I can't explain, but they're my favorite pictures because they remind me that we have so many memories together that it's impossible to remember them all.

But every time I think of you I'm overwhelmed with seas of memories that I can remember every moment of. Do you remember when we went to your farmhouse for the weekend and spent hours melting crayons with a hair dryer to make our own board? Well, that picture ended up being my Dads background for about 6 years, I still can't tell you why.

Or the day I found out I was moving back to California and you held me while I ugly-cried and told me that we would be friends no matter how far apart we were because you knew that was my biggest fear? And then moving day when you came over and drew notes in sharpie over all of my boxes and we made a mattress slide?

I have countless memories that include you that I'll cherish forever, from playing Just Dance with you in the basement to sharing our 13th birthday party.

These past two months I've been full of anger. I've been angry at the world for taking you and angry at myself for letting life and distance get in the way. I'll probably hold a piece of that anger for the rest of my life but I'll also hold eternal appreciation and admiration for you.

I want to tell you that I appreciate that you were always there for me when I needed someone. I appreciate that you could make me laugh until I couldn't breathe even on my worst days. I appreciate that you accepted me for all my flaws and never expected perfection. I appreciate that you were always supportive and encouraging and most of all I appreciate that you were the most amazing friend.

I want you to know that I admire your strength. I admire how you were always able to find the good in everything and see the best in everyone. I admire how selfless you were, always putting others before yourself. I admired how nonjudgmental you were, you always gave the best advice. I admire how hard headed you could be, never giving up until you reached your goal but more importantly I admired you for being you.

Remembering you is so easy, it's having to miss you that's so hard. My life is better because you were a part of it and I'm far from the only one. There is an army of people that miss you every day that will carry a piece of you forever. Rest easy, angel.

I love you.

Shea.

You are forever in our hearts. 

Amanda Aujero

"Amanda was one of my only friends starting high school and was there with me through family dinners, sleepovers, breakups, SAT's, and graduation. She was a light and such a beautiful person. We laughed so hard together that we would pee our pants. I miss her like crazy and plan on visiting her and talking to her for the rest of my life. She taught me to live with no regrets." -Mary Skrzypczak

"One thing I loved about Amanda was that she had such an open-mindedness I could tell her anything with no judgements." -Avery Zulauf

"My favorite memory of Amanda is us driving down the main road in LBI and laughing our asses off. I have known Amanda for years but her last 2 1/2 years on earth, I feel as if we got the closer we had ever been and I'm internally grateful for that. I love you Amanda." -Catie Keating

"There's a billion amazing words I could use that perfectly describe Amanda, but the one that I think differentiates her from most people is "real". She was real. That girl was truly one of a kind; irreplaceable. I knew from a young age when we became friends in elementary school that I could lose all of my friends but if I only had her I would be okay. It even felt that way at times but she and I were happy having just each other. One of my favorite memories with her was when I moved to Florida to start my freshmen year in high school. We were both upset we weren't experiencing high school together and we promised that we would never stop being best friends. I was scared starting at a school in a new state and not knowing anyone, and you know what Amanda did? For the first week or so before I made friends she would FaceTime me at lunch everyday so I wouldn't eat alone. Now that's true friendship right there. When I moved back it was like I never left. I always thought of her as a sister who just happened to be my best friend too. If you learn one thing from this it's that everyone should have an Amanda in their life. And if you don't, then don't settle because if you have that relationship with someone it outweighs having hundreds of friends. Having that special relationship with someone regardless if you're both here or not will never die. It lives on and it's something that I will cherish forever." -Selena Gonzalez

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How To Appreciate Your Man

Top 5 Secrets for Making Your Man Feel Loved
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I got one of those questions the other day that made me think, "well that's a blog post if I've ever seen one." The long and short of it was that the original poster wanted to know ways that she could show her man that she appreciated him. I said to myself, "self, exactly how could a woman show her man that she appreciated him?"

The more I started to think about this the more difficult it became. And do you know why?

Glad you asked.

Well, its because I think in general, women constantly show their men how much they appreciate us. If there's a gender dropping the ball in the appreciation arena, its men, not women. Women tend to compromise more, always consider us in their decisions, and want us to be happy at all times. Not that men don't want their women to be happy, we just would rather her happiness didn't come at our expense. Are we selfish? Probably. We're also raised to be selfish about life. It's a vicious cycle.

Anyway, so I got to thinking about specifics. Assuming that regular life is taking place and both people show one another that they care and appreciate them via regular life activities like spending time and saying things that need to be said, etc, how else might this occur?

Here's my stab at this list.







1. Telling him to go out and have a night with his boys on occasion

I don't mean the scheduled 2-hour break many of us get on a Saturday to go hang with our friends and play basketball or something. I mean, just one day, out of the blue, just tell your man that he should go and take a personal day and have fun. Go do whatever you want and come home when you want. No pressure and no worries. We'll probably think this is a set up (face it, 7 times out of 10 it IS a setup), but he'll appreciate that you realized he needed a "break" at times.

2. Buy him something that he actually wants instead of something you want him to have

Not saying that this is always the case, or the case the majority of the time, but I know I've been the recipient of more than one gift that I either couldn't use or couldn't understand why I was receiving it. Of course I took it and said thank you, but it went in the pile with the Snuggies and Extra Medium Banana Republic sweaters. If I say I'd like something like a new toolbox and you get me a toolbox, I'll be ecstatic. Just like women love when men listen, men do too. We appreciate that and will feel appreciated. Because you heard me.

3. Help him with something that he really needs help with

You know how we know that you love or appreciate us? By being there for us when we truly need somebody to be there. Now, this seems like its in women's nature to do this anyway so perhaps this goes in the "just do what you'd normally do" pile, but its true. Men need respect and loyalty. We're like dogs in that regard. You give us that and we'll likely stick around for the long haul anyway. But we do appreciate that and trust me, it doesn't go unnoticed.

4. Tell him

Sounds easy enough but it really isn't. A lot of people have trouble articulating to somebody why they appreciate them. It's easy to say "I love you" (well, kind of), but its harder to say why you love somebody or why you appreciate what they bring to your life because it requires self-awareness. So telling him will allow him the space to understand why you appreciate him and he'll probably cook you a meal. We work really well with words of affirmation.

5. Just do something nice to make him feel special

Another one of those things that truly just goes both ways, male or female. In fact, showing appreciation really is the same across the board. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, the best way to show appreciation is to just do it. Let them know, or do something nice for them to show that you care and are listening to their needs. Everybody wins that way.

And an angel probably gets its wings.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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