The Rules Of Cuddling

The Rules Of Cuddling

Please check out our rules of cuddling etiquette.

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Cuddling is not an all night thing. There. I said it. That doesn't mean men don't think it's great. Who doesn't love to spoon, nuzzle, or cradle? But there are limits, people.

Snuggling should last no more than ten minutes. After that, each party should return to their respective sides of the bed. During this break, they can use the bathroom or make a sandwich. There should be at least twenty minutes of non-cuddle time inbetween episodes of cuddling. I don't think this is unreasonable.

Just because a man needs some space doesn't mean he has intimacy issues. It can get sweaty in an amorous embrace. This is just reality.

Many woman interpret a man's fidgetiness as rejection. This is just not true. Some women treat their men like parachutes. They hold on for dear life. What she thinks is a "cuddle" is actually a death grip, a python's hug. She is a barnacle and he is the hull of a pirate's ship.

Look, I'm all man, and I have the big, round, hairy toe knuckles to prove it. I'm not even afraid to be the inside spoon. If she wants to wrap her arms around me, fine. I don't have to be the protective love shell. But after ten minutes of holding each other close, I get sweaty. Antsy. Restless, like a lonesome bull made out of tornados.

Now I know that plenty of women think that men are brutes. The slightest sign of tender affection, and we react like a vampire unwittingly using a Holy water bidet. But there's a reason stuffed animals are called Teddy Bears, and not Tina or Tonya Bears. Hello, the "'bear hug?" Dudes practically invented the non-lethal squeeze.

However, quality cuddling isn't determined by duration of time. Longer is not better. A good horizontal hug is about intensity. It's about pulling someone into your chest. Breathing with them, sharing a quiet moment, and briefly allowing your souls to melt together like the gooey innards of a grilled cheese sandwich. Then letting go. This is mostly practical: I like to sleep on my stomach. I can't sleep comfortably if I'm tangled up with another person. You know what's sexy? Two people panting after sex, and fumbling to find each other in the dark. You know what's not sexy? Finding that person and discovering she's a needy leech person with suction cup fingertips.

Guys get so much heat for banging and bolting, railing and bouncing. But we love to cuddle. Seriously. We want to cuddle. Our big, muscular arms were made to hold onto those we love for dear life. We want to be held, too. But not for hours at a time. What if a bear attacks at night? We need to be free, in order to wrestle that bear!

To recap: cuddling is not a marathon sport. We'll all be a lot happier if you just accept these facts of life. Snuggling is like making out - you have to come up for air eventually.

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Luke P. Is A Prime Example Of A Guy Who Says He’s A Christian, But That Doesn’t Mean He’s A Godly Man

How many times have you swiped right on a guy because he had "Christian" in his bio?

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Now, before we get into anything, I don't know Luke P. personally other than what I have seen on TV. For all I know, he could be a standup guy who the producers just cut and pasted to seem bad on national television. He could be at a different part of his walk with Christ and still figuring things out. We have no right to judge him because we don't know him and he is not the focus of this article. The focus is the character that is being portrayed—a character the show has made on this season of Bachelorette (because let's be real, reality TV is anything but). Whether this is the real Luke P. or not, the producers of the Bachelorette have crafted the type of guy that I think we see quite often in life: a wolf in sheep's clothing.

As a Christian, I find it important for me to find a Godly man who also loves Jesus and wants to work towards a strong relationship in Him. However, even as someone who goes to a Christian university, I find that just because a guy says he "loves Jesus" and "is Christian," doesn't mean that he actively strives to be like Christ every day.

There are so many guys out there who may believe in God, and call themselves a Christian, but when it comes down to it, aren't really. They just use the label to describe themselves as a good guy. It's kind of like the people who use Bible verses out of context to benefit themselves. Which can be difficult to deal with and disappointing because you think you found a great guy who has the same values as you, just to find out not everything is as it seems.

From watching Luke P. on the Bachelorette, I've realized how night and day a Godly man is versus a guy. I looked to the Bible and God to help put a little guide for everyone when it comes to distinguishing the two.

Here are some things to think about when looking for a Godly man:

Does he follow Christ and make it a high priority? (John 10:27; 1 Corinthians 11:1).
Is he humble? (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Peter 5:5)
Is he careful with the type of language he uses? (Ephesians 4:29; Proverbs 15:1) How does he communicate?
Is he generous (not in wealth, but with time and praise and encouragement)?
Does he have a temper (Proverbs 22:24)?

What does the Bible say then about the attributes of a Godly man?

A Man of God is Strong and Loving: This does not mean strong as in physical strength but in spiritual strength. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 says, "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." 1 Peter 3:7 also says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." A Godly man will be a rock to your relationship and uses his strength to love, not dominate.

A Man of God Obeys the Lord: An example that most people look at in the Bible is King David. Though he fell and tripped through life many times, his faith in God was everlasting and shows that you do not have to be perfect, to be loved and cherished by God. 1 Kings 2:2-4 and Acts 13:22 describes David, "a man after God's heart." That means following God in obedience and wanting in our heart, to do His will and go where He calls us.

A Man of God is Mature: When you look at a man of God, you will see that he has left his childish ways behind him. He won't play games with your heart but instead, work hard. Boys play, men work. An example of this would be Boaz from the Bible. He showed maturity towards Ruth and worked hard to help her and do right by her.

A Man of God is Respectful: The way one acts towards you is a reflection on how they view themselves. A Godly man should be respectful of you in every way because he respects himself because he knows he is a son of God. Therefore a man of God issues no backhanded compliments, manipulative words, and foul language. Look at Proverbs 31:10-11 for a description.

A Man of God Loves Deeply: Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to love their wives like Christ. This can go towards men of God who aren't married yet as well. He shouldn't be self-centered and instead, live to love God and others. They live to serve instead of being served; they seek to live like Jesus (Mark 10:45).

Now, I'm not saying that every Godly man you meet will check off every one of these boxes. Everyone is a work-in-progress and we are all working on ourselves to be more like Christ each day. However, there is a huge difference between a guy who says he is a Christian and a Godly man. One will exhibit selfish tendencies and use the word of God for his own benefit, while the other will love like Jesus and striving to walk with Christ each day, serving him and the ones he loves.

It is important to have a firm foundation to build upon, that way, the house will not crumble. A Godly man acknowledges that God is that foundation, and puts it first in the relationship to build upon. Remember that next time you come across a guy you like, someone who seems good on the outside. Because if the inside does not reflect what he is saying, he's just a boy playing around. Find yourself a Man of God who will work hard to get to you and to push you to Christ.

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How To Appreciate Your Man

Top 5 Secrets for Making Your Man Feel Loved
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I got one of those questions the other day that made me think, "well that's a blog post if I've ever seen one." The long and short of it was that the original poster wanted to know ways that she could show her man that she appreciated him. I said to myself, "self, exactly how could a woman show her man that she appreciated him?"

The more I started to think about this the more difficult it became. And do you know why?

Glad you asked.

Well, its because I think in general, women constantly show their men how much they appreciate us. If there's a gender dropping the ball in the appreciation arena, its men, not women. Women tend to compromise more, always consider us in their decisions, and want us to be happy at all times. Not that men don't want their women to be happy, we just would rather her happiness didn't come at our expense. Are we selfish? Probably. We're also raised to be selfish about life. It's a vicious cycle.

Anyway, so I got to thinking about specifics. Assuming that regular life is taking place and both people show one another that they care and appreciate them via regular life activities like spending time and saying things that need to be said, etc, how else might this occur?

Here's my stab at this list.







1. Telling him to go out and have a night with his boys on occasion

I don't mean the scheduled 2-hour break many of us get on a Saturday to go hang with our friends and play basketball or something. I mean, just one day, out of the blue, just tell your man that he should go and take a personal day and have fun. Go do whatever you want and come home when you want. No pressure and no worries. We'll probably think this is a set up (face it, 7 times out of 10 it IS a setup), but he'll appreciate that you realized he needed a "break" at times.

2. Buy him something that he actually wants instead of something you want him to have

Not saying that this is always the case, or the case the majority of the time, but I know I've been the recipient of more than one gift that I either couldn't use or couldn't understand why I was receiving it. Of course I took it and said thank you, but it went in the pile with the Snuggies and Extra Medium Banana Republic sweaters. If I say I'd like something like a new toolbox and you get me a toolbox, I'll be ecstatic. Just like women love when men listen, men do too. We appreciate that and will feel appreciated. Because you heard me.

3. Help him with something that he really needs help with

You know how we know that you love or appreciate us? By being there for us when we truly need somebody to be there. Now, this seems like its in women's nature to do this anyway so perhaps this goes in the "just do what you'd normally do" pile, but its true. Men need respect and loyalty. We're like dogs in that regard. You give us that and we'll likely stick around for the long haul anyway. But we do appreciate that and trust me, it doesn't go unnoticed.

4. Tell him

Sounds easy enough but it really isn't. A lot of people have trouble articulating to somebody why they appreciate them. It's easy to say "I love you" (well, kind of), but its harder to say why you love somebody or why you appreciate what they bring to your life because it requires self-awareness. So telling him will allow him the space to understand why you appreciate him and he'll probably cook you a meal. We work really well with words of affirmation.

5. Just do something nice to make him feel special

Another one of those things that truly just goes both ways, male or female. In fact, showing appreciation really is the same across the board. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, the best way to show appreciation is to just do it. Let them know, or do something nice for them to show that you care and are listening to their needs. Everybody wins that way.

And an angel probably gets its wings.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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