This past weekend I attended my home church for the last time before returning to school, and after struggling to pick an outfit that would be appropriate for everyone in the congregation I finally arrived. After hearing a powerful testimony, there was baptism, which is always a blessing. However, I was slightly bothered by some things about the ceremony. The pastor, who is new to my home church, took extra time speaking about the men, and praising the men for their renewal to Christ but barely mentioned the women. He, instead, went on to mention the importance of men in the church. And although I grew up understanding a woman’s place in the church has always been a difficult subject, I do not understand why the pastor dismissed the women who chose to be baptized and praised the men. Or maybe this is my own understanding of the situation, however, it continued to prove to me that women are not loved in the church.

I have always known women to be treated poorly in the church. Whether it is because of the ways she dresses, or because she doesn’t smile enough, I always see women criticized for their behavior. I, unfortunately, have first-hand experience with this criticism and have tried my best to avoid it. But it felt that no matter what I wore, or how much I smiled someone would always find a problem with my behavior. So instead of compromising myself I simply chose not to attend as much.

I grew up being told to sit still and to be quiet, while my male friends were allowed to make noise and be rowdy because they were “just being boys.” When I hit puberty there were clothes I was no longer allowed to wear, and had to take extra care not to be too exposed. When I started to develop crushes on boys I was branded as fast, and when I stopped going to church as much I was marked as another young person who has left the church. But why would I stay somewhere that has shown me nothing but hatred and disapproval. I know this subject is hard for many, but I will no longer stay silent when I am treated so poorly in a place that is supposed to show God’s love.

I am a woman and I am loved by God, so why can't the church show me its love as well?