So we have all been there. We all experience this emotional roller coaster that is ordering a pizza. For those who don’t know or need a reminder here are the emotional stages you will go through when ordering cheesy, greasy perfection.
1. Deciding that you want to order a pizza
So the first necessity to ordering a pizza is knowing that you want a pizza. You may think, “Do I want chinese? Do I just Postmates some Cheesecake factory? Do I dare to leave my apartment?” Then it hits you. “I can order a pizza.” Don’t worry you’ve made the right choice.
2. Where to get the pizza?
Ok this is the tricky part. This stage determines what kind of pizza you need in your life. Do you need a nice discounted pizza from Papa John’s? Do you need a quick on the run Little Caesar’s? Do you need the garlic fantasy that is the Domino’s crust? It’s usually a safe bet to just get a stuffed-crust pie from Pizza Hut.
3. Placing the order.
God this is amazing. You have figured out where you’re getting your pizza and now you get to pick out all of the TOPPINGS. Toppings are the most crucial part because they make your pizza uniquely YOURS. The sheer euphoria found in picking out the meats, extra cheeses, and occasionally some veggies (if you’re into that) is unparalleled. You wish you could afford to get multiple pizzas so you can try out more topping combos. Don’t worry, you will have more opportunities.
4. Waiting.
Now comes the ultimate test. Waiting 30 minutes for your pizza to be baked to its perfect, melty divinity is how you truly build willpower and patience. You think, “Will it be as good as I hope it will?” The answer is pretty much always yes. You can do this. Distance makes the stomach grow fonder.
5. The arrival.
The pizza has arrived at your door and the driver has the nerve to make you wait longer by handing you the receipt you need to sign before handing you the pizza. How dare he/she. You could be snacking on a slice while tipping him/her. But it’s somehow ok. You keep your cool and don’t let them know how truly obsessed you are with this pizza. You tip him/her generously because they have given you the greatest gift of all time. As soon as they hand you the box though, you unleash your pure, unadulterated joy of having received a hot pizza.
6. Eating your pizza child.
You’ve been with this pizza for so long now. You’ve watched it grow from a small idea to a cheesy masterpiece. Now you get to eat your precious creation. Do you share it? Probably not. This is your pizza baby. You deserve all of it. You deserve to turn it from a pizza baby to a food baby. You deserve all the gastrointestinal distress that will come with it.
God, what a journey. Pizza is too good for us mortals yet we order it anyways. And we eat all of it. No shame. I will never shame you for eating a whole pizza by yourself because I probably do it more often than you. Remember that every now and then you deserve nice things, like pizza.
