You read articles all the time (or at least headlines) about the qualities people yearn for in a significant other. Perhaps you are free-spirited and adventurous so you crave spontaneity in someone. Or maybe you aren’t searching for a specific quality but rather consistency within a relationship above all else. Nonetheless, there isone thing we all search for: someone who can listen to us.

You may be thinking to yourself, “No shit, Sherlock. Who wouldn’t want someone who is a good listener?” But this goes beyond wanting someone who can sit down with us and listen to us express ourselves. I’m talking about someone who can not only sit down with us and listen, but who wants to know each word that is going to come out of our mouths next.

Obviously, no one wants someone who is disinterested in what we have to say. And no one wants someone who is interested in only what he or she wants to hear, either. What we want and deserve is someone who is willing to suck up any uncomfortable feelings in sacrifice for a true understanding of who we are. Because let’s face it: Not every thought we express is going to be a positive, cherry-on-top, happy-go-lucky, thought. Therefore, it really takes someone special to listen not only to the good, but to the bad as well, or in other words: when we are our complete, vulnerable selves (as frightening as that sounds).

We are complicated (maybe that’s an understatement?). We have bits and pieces to ourselves that are beyond our consciousness. So, for someone to be curious as to what lies beneath our own awareness is extremely respectable and attractive. I mean, haven’t you heard that the best relationships are those with your best friend? It’s true. My longest relationship was with someone, who from day one was interested in every word I had to say. That is what primarily attracted me to him and what eventually brought us together. Were we lifelong childhood best friends who fell in love? No, but he became my best friend and I fell in love with him because of how he listened to me.

Whether it’s in the cards for you to be involved in a total of one or four serious relationships within your lifetime, you are bound to meet more than a few individuals you could see yourself dating. Think about it. There are a lot of good-looking, genuine, successful, humorous, (insert whatever desirable quality here) on this planet. Numerous people will inhibit qualities you want in a significant other. But does each person want to truly get to know you?

Next time you’re interested in someone, do yourself a favor. Of course, pay mind to how well he or she treats you. Pay mind to how he or she treats others. But really, really, pay mind to how he or she listens to you. Pay mind to the questions he or she asks. From asking you questions regarding how your day was, to asking questions as to why you seem upset—those questions are all vital. Why? Because he or she wants to know the answer. After all, one’s curiosity really speaks volumes.