The Nerdy Guy’s Guide To Finding Love

The Nerdy Guy’s Guide To Finding Love

Be Interested. Be Daring. Be Equals.
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It has long been tradition for Jews to put an emphasis on education; you’ll more likely find a Jew pursuing an MBA over the NBA. High school sports may rule much of the country, but our “Friday Night Lights” are a bit different.

The positive impact of our scholastic aptitude is being able to take better care of our families. The negative impact is being so nebbish that we have trouble finding someone to start that family.

I know all this because I was that guy. Throughout high school, I was rejected more often than a short Jewish guy playing basketball post 1950s. I turned all that around and found a beautiful, smart and successful wife by following a simple formula. Well, some things didn’t change…I still can’t play basketball very well.

My simple formula? Be Interested. Be Daring. Be Equals.

Be Interested

It is instinct, when trying to impress a date, to tell them all the wonderful things you’ve done with your life. But you wouldn’t hand a date a resume – so why do it verbally? Yes, you do need to stand out from the herd of guys pursuing her. But, the way to do that isn’t to talk about how much money you make or how many countries you’ve been to, but rather, it’s to listen.

Let’s shift your perspective. If you were on a job interview, you’d be trying to impress your prospective boss. But would they be trying to impress you? No. They’d be comfortable, and asking you questions – because it’s their job to find someone who is the right fit. So on a date, it’s your choice which side of the interview desk to sit on – why not also be the one asking the questions?

If both of you are interested (instead of interesting), the conversation will flow freely. You will actually get to know your date instead of them simply being a sounding board for your accomplishments. And it doesn’t hurt to say her name every so often. It’s a nice reminder that you weren’t too busy thinking about yourself to remember it.

Be Daring

Survival instinct attracts women to bad boys, because bad boys are tough, and tough survives in a post-apocalyptic world. Good news – we’re not going post apocalyptic for at least another few years, so don’t start shoving kids into lockers. Especially if you’re 30, you’d probably get arrested.

The main thing that separates the naughty from the nebbish is fear. Coincidentally, that’s also what separates the nebbish from the nuptials. I am not at all suggesting that you take her bungee jumping, or even on a picnic in a bad neighborhood. I’m suggesting that you don’t let fear hold you back from conversation.

Years ago, I saw a speaker whose basic premise was that you should never let fear stop you, as long as you don’t do anything that would harm yourself or others. I use that premise to guide my conversations. If you are afraid of bringing up a topic that might offend her, do it anyway! If she’s offended, well, it wasn’t going to work out. And if she’s not, you may have opened a window to an important topic that no one else was brave enough to open. Safe is boring. And boring is deliriously unattractive.

You already have a sensible side that shows you’re the smart choice. It wouldn’t hurt to show you’re the fun choice, too.

Be Equals

From the time that Jacob worked 14 years just to marry Rachel, we have been putting our women on pedestals (which is a great way to attract a high-maintenance woman who wants a subservient man). But if you’re looking for someone whose last name is not Kardashian, start thinking of her as an equal.

I know, I know – you’ve always believed in equal rights and equal pay. But how about equal conversation? Here’s a simple example.

You are setting up a first date. Whether you met on Loveawake.com, or on the street, the situation is the same. Here’s someone you like but aren’t completely comfortable with yet, so the next step is to meet and talk more. You text back and forth. After you’ve set the time and place, she agrees and says “See you tomorrow!” What’s your next move? Nothing.

You wouldn’t double confirm with a friend – why with a date? You’re just trying to be polite, but it comes off as obsessive. Add up a few of these little pedestal-putting moves, and you’ll be working in the fields seven more years without a wife.

And please take this the right way – I am not at all suggesting you treat her poorly. Treat her well – just as you would treat a friend well.

Will all of this work? Well, I am marrying a way-too-hot woman, yet have a fantasy baseball team, an obsession with computers and a penchant for discussing American history. You tell me.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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To The Girl Who Still Has Her Mom This Christmas

To the girl with who is blessed enough to have her momma this Christmas. 
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     To the girl who is blessed enough to have her momma this Christmas, please remember to soak every last bit of it in. 

      Please remember to hug her so tight, that the way she smells is locked into your nose. Listen to all the stories you've heard a million times, like you've never heard a single one. Help her, even if it seems completely silly to you, help her mix that cake. Laugh, oh please laugh. Laugh at all her corky ways, at the way she mispronounces words, try's to be hip and use new found lingo, or how she cusses when she forgot to get the rolls out of the oven but quickly asks the Lord for forgiveness. Remember her laugh, etch it into your brain. Make her happy, if she wants to go riding around looking at Christmas lights down the same streets you've went for years, do it. Don't fuss, take her advice, agree to just disagree on things. It's not worth it. Most importantly, remind her over and over how much you love her. 

     Because unlike you, I'm not able to see my mom on Christmas. I'm not able to see her on birthdays, Thanksgiving, or any other occasion. My time with her is up. Death is the most permanent heartbreak. 

     How I long to hear her voice, her laugh. To feel her tight embrace. Smell, oh god, what I would give to just be able to smell her. I would absolutely love to go riding around for hours while she ohhs and ahhs at every single house we pass. If I had the opportunity I'd tell her just how much I love her, how I'm so thankful for all the sacrifices she made for me. In fact, I'm not sure I could ever tell her enough. 

      Some days I wake up and it still doesn't feel real. Others, I panic trying to remember exactly how she sounded. Because, I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget a single characteristic about her. Not one. 

     Take time, not just on holidays, or special occasions to be with your mom. Even if it's just you two piled up watching reruns of "The Little House on the Prairie", soak it in. 

    You only get one momma. Nobody could ever take her place. She's your rock. 

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25 Moments Of 'A Christmas Story' You Remember While Watching It 10 Times In A Row On Christmas

"You'll shoot your eye out, kid."

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Let's be real, you can't go through the holiday season without watching "A Christmas Story." It's a classic. I have to watch it at least once around Christmastime. Since it's iconic, it's very easy to remember everything that goes on throughout the film. Here are twenty five of the most memorable moments of the movie.

1. When poor Randy had to bundled up EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

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2. And in turn caused a huge problem. 

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3. Oh, and another problem. 

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4. When Ralphie dropped the F-Bomb in front of his father. He didn't say "fudge." 

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5. And he received the classic soap bar punishment. 

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6. When Swartz was persistent on getting what he wanted.

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7. When we realized Ralphie's father had never seen the word "fragile." 

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8. When Ralphie's mother was determined to keep her husband unhappy. 

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9. The one killjoy phrase quoted more than once. 

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10. When Ralphie got ripped off. 

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11. When Randy was picking at his food. 

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12. And his mother insisted on showing her how the piggies ate. 

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13. When the mall Santa got too close and personal. 

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14. Only to be a jerk in the end. 

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15. Let's not forget what Ralphie desperately wanted for Christmas. 

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16. When poor Flick was left to suffer on that pole. 

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17. When the family was forced to eat at a Chinese restaurant after their turkey was ruined. 

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18. And it was devoured by the neighbor's annoying hound dogs. 

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19. When Ralphie and his friends had to deal with this douchebag every time they left their houses. 

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20. It's okay, though. Ralphie eventually decides not to put up with it. 

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21. And let's not forget the pink nightmare Ralphie was given. 

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22. Ralphie's daydreams were interesting, too. 

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23. But some of them were weird. 

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24. When the Red Ryder BB gun ended up being a hazard after all. 

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25. Who am I kidding? The whole movie is memorable. 

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