It was a stormy evening in Hollywood, California. Doctor Phil sat in his makeup chair gazing out the window, watching the palm trees sway with the wind. Suddenly, he heard a urgent knock on his dressing room door.
"Phil, it's almost time for the show!" Called his publicist, Linda.
"I'll be out in a second, Linda..." Phil answered reluctantly as he got up from his chair and began to powder his nose.
While looking at himself in the mirror, he sighed and flung himself back thinking his chair was behind him. Phil realized that his chair was by the window 12 feet away and his heart began to beat rapidly as he fell straight to the ground.
"Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" Screamed Dr. Phil in agonizing pain when suddenly a large green figure emerges from a worm hole in the corner of the room.
"Why is there a pungent odor of onions?!" Gasped Dr. Phil with tears pouring out of his squinting eyes.
"This is my swamp now!" Called the figure as it began to walk towards the injured Dr. Phil who lays frozen on the bicycle yellow shag carpet.
"Shrek, I-Is that you...?" Stuttered Phil while pinching his nose in order to keep the odor of onions from plaguing his nostrils.
"There is an emergency at Disney Land! Get up, there is no time to lay around and play injured when innocent citizens are in danger!" Scolded Shrek as he scooped Dr. Phil up and flew out the window.
They silently glided through the air, not saying a word to each other.
"We're here!" Shouted Shrek in an intense excitement.
Dr. Phil looked around in confusion, "I thought you said people were in danger."
"Nope!" Smirked Shrek deviously.
"How dare you, Shrek! I was supposed to go on stage a half hour ago and I missed it because of your selfishness. I had people to humiliate and you took that joy away from me." Shrieked a depressed Dr. Phil.
"Consider this as a small... Vacation..." Insisted Shrek as he pulled Phil towards the ticket booth.
"You're not my dad!" Screamed Dr. Phil as he struggled to run away because of Shrek's firm grip on his shirt collar.
Meanwhile...
"Daddy, why is that troll picking on that poor man?" Said little Billy looking up from the brim of his Goofy baseball cap.
"Shut up, Billy. That's an ogre." Scoffed his young father who was desperately swiping through Tinder.
"SHREK! LET ME GO!" Fought Dr. Phil while swinging his fists at the air.
"NOT UNTIL WE'RE IN THE PARK!" Shouted Shrek who was breathing heavily.
"Neither of you are stepping foot in that park." Said a large security guard with a mustache, looking up from his aviator sunglasses.
"What seems to be the problem officer?" Asked Shrek calmly.
"What seems to be the problem?" Mocked the security guard. "A woman with 3 screaming children complained that you were getting too rough with baldy, here."
"YEAH!" Shouted Dr. Phil at Shrek. "HEY! I AM NOT BALD. IT'S THINNING!
"Okay, sure. I'd like you two pinheads to come with me." Said the security guard.
The security guard led the men to the darkest corner in the park which was located behind the Haunted Mansion attraction.
"W-Where are you taking us?" Dr. Phil stuttered fearfully.
"Disney Land jail, where all the naughty children go!" Laughed the security guard.
The security guard opened a cellar that was next to the mausoleum and proceeded to forcefully kick Shrek and Dr. Phil into it.
"HAVE MERCY!!!!" Dr. Phil and Shrek screamed as the fell into the dark and musty cellar.
After 15 seconds of scream-filled falling, they finally fell on to a floor covered in dirt and maggots.
"HELP! I've fallen and I can't get up!" Screamed Dr. Phil again as he hit the floor next to Shrek.
"Shut up, Phil. You got us into this mess." Hissed a disappointed Shrek.
Dr. Phil stared at the ceiling and sighed while wondering if he would ever free himself from the shackles of Shrek's existence.
To be continued...
