The Mask We Hide Behind
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Health and Wellness

The Mask We Hide Behind

The truth of struggling with depression, anxiety and lack of self-worth in college.

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The Mask We Hide Behind

Never did I think I would come to college and lose my confidence and my feeling of self-worth, but I did. No matter how old you are, a girl or boy, there are moments that you might question your self-worth or value because of how others have made you feel. And it is extremely unfortunate. Other people shouldn't be responsible for making us feel worthy or valued; we should feel that in ourselves. But because of society, past relationships, media and others, we rely too heavily on others for our own happiness. Something I learned the hard way was not to rely on others to make me happy. It's hard to be completely confident and happy in your own skin when you have had people walk out of your life constantly and put you down, but good news — it is fixable.

In high school, I was so happy. No real big issues, just the usual dramatic moments of every teenage girl. I came to college and I had the best freshman year that I could have ever asked for. But then, right before my sophomore year started, I saw my life crash before my eyes. It sent me into the darkest place I had ever been and I stayed there for about a year. I didn't want to associate with anyone except a handful of people, and most of the time, I would stay in my room alone for hours. I wanted to run away from the world. I also didn't want anyone to know how I truly felt because I felt like a failure. I felt like I failed my parents, my friends and anyone who looked up to me because I thought there was something wrong with me. When people find out you have depression and anxiety, you feel like they look at you differently or have pity for you and that's not what your goal is, so you hide it. You continue to post on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter all these cute pictures of you out with your friends and everyone in your social media world has no clue. They think that you're living the dream, but they have no clue of the mask you're hiding behind only to protect yourself from another crash. People compliment you on how good you look, but they don't know it was because you were literally so sick of yourself that you couldn't eat for days at a time. You felt worthless and wanted to keep hiding from everyone.

After a while, you get tired of hiding and feeling ashamed and you start to come back out into the world. It takes a while and it's not easy, but it's worth the process. Becoming comfortable in your own skin again takes a lot of praying and hard decisions. In order to fully be happy with yourself again and start over, you have to eliminate everything that is holding you down. Pull up the anchor that has you weighted in one spot. I also learned the hard way that by holding things in, you are only making it worse. Tell your closest friends and family because they love you and want nothing more than for you to be happy.

While I have come out of my hiding spot, it's still something I'm working on. And while, yes, it can be fixed, it doesn't happen overnight and you will probably need help along the way. But that's the best part: to see the people around you that love you the most lift you up and show you that you are amazing. And yes, I know I said we shouldn't depend on others for our happiness and we shouldn't, but we all know it feels good to be loved.

So if you're in the place I was, if you're in hiding, come out. There is someone there waiting to catch you and help you right back up. You're not alone even though it feels like it you are the loneliest you have ever been. You are so worth loving, and you can get by with a little help from your friends. I promise that seeking help and happiness is better than continuing to hide.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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