My husband has been in the Army for almost 7 years now. I cannot even count how many spouses that I have met who felt they had lost themselves when they became a military spouse. For some, this isn't true, but for many it is. They have their own identity, their own career and can make their own choices, but then they fall in love with someone who is in the military. Once married, you might as well forget your own social security number because the only one that matters anymore is the husband or wife who is serving. You can continue with your career, but know that you will only be there for (usually) 2-3 years before having to move again. You are uncertain of your future because as long as you are attached to the military, you will never know what your future holds. A year after my husband joined, I became pregnant with our first child and I haven't really had a career since. That has been fine with me because I have thoroughly enjoyed being a stay at home mom for both of our daughters. For some though, it's not okay. Some spouses can't wait to get back into their work field, but it's super hard because they know that when they start working again, if their child becomes ill, they will always be the parent to stay home with the child because it is the military first and then their career second. This is why there are so many military spouses that work from home. It is just more convenient that way sometimes.
"You're not the same person that you were before moving away". You're exactly right. I'm not. I now have the responsibilities of holding down a house, children, finances, you name it, all the while worrying if something is going to happen to my husband in a field exercise, while flying helicopters and/or then eventually when he is deployed. Most importantly, I've grown as a person and I've gotten so much stronger. I've dealt with things that I felt I wasn't able to and I've come out on the other side so much more confident in myself. Our friendships tend to change and shift towards those who can relate to us, who know our struggles and who are supporters of us when we feel like we can't take anymore. Sometimes, a military spouse's freedom can feel like it has been taken away. We eventually realize that though, we have to work around busy and sometimes inconvenient schedules, we still have the ability to be us. We can still have our own voices, even if they do not match everyone else's. We can still fight for what we believe in. And we are, in itself pretty amazing for going through everything, still standing strong. If you want that job, go get it. Don't be afraid of having to move in a couple of years. The friendships and experience will be well worth it. If you are fired for your child being sick and having to stay home, that means there is another job out there waiting for you that will be better than the last. Who is more understanding of your situation. We tend to let fear take charge in our decision making, but what type of life is that? Our spouses are living their lives and doing what makes them happy, so should we. Let's make more of an effort to show support, love and compassion to not only those around us, but to ourselves as well.
~The Truthful Mama
