The Illuminati is the most prestigious secret society. That's an oxymoron. The reason you know about the Illuminati is because it doesn't exist. It's a fable, a folktale perpetuated by conspiracy theorists to explain greed and war. The myth of the Illuminati has become one big pop culture beast, and lately, it's become more of a joke. This article's about what the Illuminati really is, based on logic and research. Hopefully this helps us to get back to hating the true evil elite: old rich white men.

Let's get this out of the way—the Illuminati did exist.

Picture an Illuminati meeting based on what you know from pop culture. Tall marble walls surrounding a table covered in candles, ancient documents, wads of cash, and goat blood, as sinister members in suits, CEOs and celebrities, decide which disease to release next or which small country to crush. Then Obama and Beyonce walk in and shake hands with the Pope.

The real Illuminati was founded in 1776 by Adam Weishaupt, a German professor of Canon Law and practical philosophy at a university run by Jesuits. Like all great evil organizations it was founded by a German, but Weishaupt was neither old, nor rich. He was 28 and facing increased pressure by the clerical university to quit. Instead, he started a society that would nurture Enlightenment ideals and seek truth. According to Heinrich Schneider in his book, "Quest for Mysteries," Weishaupt said this about the Illuminati:

"At a time, however, when there was no end of making game of and abusing secret societies, I planned to make use of this human foible for a real and worthy goal, for the benefit of people. I wished to do what the heads of the ecclesiastical and secular authorities ought to have done by virtue of their offices."

Picture the old Illuminati. German students and professors meeting in rustic houses or pubs to discuss empiricism and progressive politics. Their symbol wasn't even the eye in a triangle, it was a goofy-looking owl. The Bavarian government discovered the Illuminati in the 1780s and cracked down. Due to government pressure and an overly-conformist structure, the organization splintered. Whatever remained of it was lost to time.

Now the Illuminati exist as stock villains for political dramas. Games like "Deus Ex" depict the Illuminati as nebulous old men controlling bankers and politicians through centuries of growing influence, while series like "Da Vinci's Demons" portray the Illuminati as world-ending megalomaniacs. The myth is that they orchestrate every important event, from new world leaders to economic crises. The Illuminati are the secret upper-upper class of society, the villains responsible for Donald Trump's continued existence.

You've probably seen the "Illuminati confirmed" memes that turn ordinary triangles into signs of an unstoppable, dank conglomerate obsessed with its own image. For each person who believes in the Illuminati, another is there to mock them. We get the joke, we know it's absurd. They're history's worst kept secret, a secret elite that flashes its sign whenever possible.

But how would you join the Illuminati?

Say you become a millionaire and a mysterious man in black invites you to an Illuminati meeting, would you trust him? Most likely, it's a scam meant to get some of your miraculously-earned dough. If Jay Z said he's part of the world's most nefarious secret organization, would you believe him? He might be in a group calling themselves the Illuminati, but they're not the nefarious masterminds of pop culture.

Anyone can call themselves Illuminati. I'm writing this article because I found seven websites that offer membership to the most powerful secret society. How do you join? With an email and a VISA card. It's a scam. Scroll through a public forum and you might find a post from a self-proclaimed Illuminati member.

Their angle: "We hold the secrets to success. We control the bankers. All you have to do is give us your number and you'll have untold wealth."

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