I don’t know about anyone else, but I am afraid. I look at all the things that possibly could lead to fear and I realize it all comes down to one thing: I am afraid of failure. My entire life I always thought that if I messed up, gained weight or wasn’t good enough, I failed. This failure is what keeps me up at night.
God has control. He knows my biggest insecurities, I’ve struggled with the idea of weight gain since I was twelve years old, until this year I hadn’t gained any weight since then. I know gaining weight is a part of life but the idea still terrifies me. I feel like when I gain weight I fail my body and my idea of how I should be. I know that focusing so much on myself is selfish and I can’t fulfill God’s plan when I’m like that, causing me to feel as if I’ve also failed on a spiritual level also.
Being a cheerleader, or any athlete for that matter, there is a lot of pressure to do well. Not hitting a stunt, or messing up a cheer or dance causes so much stress. I want to make my coaches proud, and sometimes I don’t feel like I’m good enough for that. Every time I do anything, I think of the outcome if I fail. Typically this state of mind is what messes me up, usually resulting getting taken out or something like that. I just want to do well.
School has always defeated me, from not having that perfect 4.0, to feeling as if I could have done better. As a freshman in college, I’m terrified that I’m not going to be able to do it. I feel like I’ll end up being a Hobo or something. I still have yet to decide what I want to do with my life, and it scares me, especially when everyone around me has a clear picture of what they want to do with their lives. I know God has a plan for me, eventually he will reveal everything to me, but at the moment I’m afraid.
Growing up in a christian home, I knew what sin was, I knew what obedience was and I thought that if I knew all the rules, I could never mess up. Little did I know, that’s not how it worked. I’ve messed up, and I know now that God forgives. It says in 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” While it has been a struggle to accept this forgiveness, I finally have. But now I fear going back to my old ways. I am afraid to fail in my walk with Christ again. I know that God is in control of everything. In Deuteronomy 31:6 says “The Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” I won't be afraid anymore.
