With its revival on Netflix coming up soon, people are gearing up to watch previous seasons and waiting to see what will happen to their favorite Stars Hollow characters. Therefore, when I decided to start my own Netflix binge, I surprised myself when I could not get past the first couple episodes. It wasn't because I didn't enjoy the show... and it wasn't because I thought the plots were too childish or cheesy.
The reason I could not watch it was because I couldn't disconnect the main characters from my own life. Lorelai and Rory Gilmore are a mother-daughter pair who make their show based on their lovable personalities, everyday problems, witty banter, embarrassing but heartfelt moments and especially their best friend relationship. This relationship made it harder for me to watch the show now.
The original reason that I fell in love with the show was that I felt as if my own life had a Lorelai—minus the multitude of American song and movie jokes and add in a bunch of Indian pop culture references and great Indian food. Therefore, when I realized that I no longer have the mother/best friend relationship that I once did, it became harder to watch even a couple minutes of an episode without feeling disheartened. Without Lorelai, what do we even make of Rory?
When my own Lorelai, my mother, passed away less than a year ago, I not only lost my person. I lost all the movie nights, late night talks about anything and everything, busy mornings with coffee and breakfast and a best friend that will always be there. When I lost all that, it became harder to accept it. Losing a person, whether he or she moves, leaves, passes away or any other reason, can affect those that stay by even the simplest things.
When I began my process of grief, it was even hard to hear the word “parents.” It was a simple word that was used in daily life, but it wasn’t something I was comfortable hearing—and especially saying. The phrase, “I’m dying” in everyday colloquial language, silently created a lingering sadness inside of me. I felt as if I could never use these ordinary words anymore as if I was playing a game of "Taboo." The simplest of expressions had the ability to hurt me. So, watching a show with a mother-daughter relationship so similar to my own was tough. I had become the single “Gilmore Girl” in a world meant for plurality and pairings.
Now I attempt to remember the better and fonder memories instead of focusing solely on my grief, but it may be a while until I pick up where I left off on my Netflix binge. But that does not mean that I will forever be lost to the Stars Hollow World. With Rory, Lorelai was never far behind. And even though my mother’s distance may be a bit farther, I am beginning to realize that she is never that far behind either.
