I know it's been quite some time, too much in fact.
I don't know why you still run sometimes through my head like a sad carousel full of nostalgic bittersweet memories.
Honestly, I wondered why I would be writing this letter after so long, but I realize now that I haven't fully gotten closure over what happened between us.
I'm still not over the screaming and the hot tears that rolled down our faces as we watched our friendship shatter before our very eyes. Ever since that day, I wondered if I was the reason why our friendship fell apart.
Was I not good enough? Did I do something wrong?
It didn't make sense to me though, I remember always putting in so much time and energy into our friendship, how could it have fallen apart?
That's when it hit me. I was the one putting in the time and energy, I was the one. Me.
I kept giving and giving, and received nothing in exchange.
I remember you calling me, your voice was wavering like you had been crying for hours, and you had, about a significant other that had broken your heart once again.
I remember dropping everything I was doing just to talk to you and remind you of who you were. You're wonderful, you don't need someone to remind you of that, but in reality, you already had someone reminding you. You had me.
What I don't remember though, was receiving help, even after I told you my mother was diagnosed with cancer.
I received a pitiful "It'll be OK," followed by you wondering how on earth you were going to talk to your latest significant other; I was ridiculous and offered you help anyway, knowing that what you were doing wasn't OK.
I know it was my fault too.
Now that we've both grown, I've come to the realization that I don't ever want that friendship back.
I've realized now what true friendship and love is.
I realize now that loyalty isn't a meaningless word like we always thought it was, but rather one that can rival Love.
All those years of wondering why I wasn't good enough doesn't matter anymore, because the truth is, I am good enough.
I'm good enough for my friends in college and I'm good enough for the few friends I have back home.
I am more than just "The Smart Friend."
I am kind, wonderful, funny, and such a good person.
What we had wasn't healthy, but I wish you nothing but the best in life.