Recently, I've noticed a change in myself; a change for me that I've consciously always wanted but subconsciously achieved. College, without a doubt, has done its fair share in shaping my morals and perspective on the world. What has been lacking on my end, however, is a strong voice to represent myself as an individual. And not just in a way to take a stance politically or morally, but in all aspects of my life.
For a long time, I would even venture to say until this past year, I've had a hard time expressing myself. I never told people what I wanted. I went along with the flow. I was not a leader. In fact, I used to think about how much I was not a leader and how I could never take on a position where people would depend on me. It didn't fit my personality.
I dated a guy in high school for nine months who was not a nice guy. He was controlling and manipulative and depended on me more than was healthy. When I think back on that relationship, I cringe. There were so many opportunities for me to stand up for myself and others. So many thoughts had passed through my head, but I would never say them. It's that exact relationship that I base my growth off of. The difference between who I was then and who I am now is immeasurable.
And I'm so proud of that.
Today, I hold two positions of leadership. At first, I was terrified. Where did I come off thinking I could be a team leader or Vice President of a school club? Would people listen to me? Could I demand attention and respect?
It honestly took me a while to become comfortable in this new role. I wanted to please everyone. I asked what others preferred instead of making an executive decision. I've read that's something women do more than men. It's probably true. Women don't want to come off as being the bitchy boss, and I definitely feared that titled. But the great thing is you get over it. Fast. You learn how easy things become when you ask for them directly instead of dancing around the point. You don't preface sentences with an apology or end them in a question. Positive results skyrocket when you make your expectations known and clear.
Ambiguity is not your friend.
You learn that the people who are worth your time and effort are the ones who don't see your expectations as an impossible climb but a goal. You learn how to surround yourself with likeminded people who will help you create the vision you want. It really teaches you how to separate the bad from the good.
It's the same for your personal life. You recognize the qualities you value in people. If there's ever something you're not okay with, you know how to handle it. Letting it go is no longer an option, within reason of course. But that's a balance you understand as well.
Everyone deserves a voice they're proud of. Maybe it's something that requires time or practice or no thought at all, but I'm so glad I didn't sit around and let opportunities pass me by. My voice is strong, and it will only continue to grow stronger.
