The flowers in her window died on Sunday. On Monday, the sky didn't look like the usual cool blue, and there was no gentle breeze and sun kiss that fell upon her skin. Tuesday brought faces of people who seemed nothing more than hollow shells of shattered hopes and dreams. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday ticked by. Fast or slow? She couldn't tell at this point. Some moments seemed endless with ache while others seemed to pass faster than they appeared. The days went on, and the pain did not ease. She noticed day by day, week by week how the simple things she once loved slowly decomposed and disappeared as she did. As the pain consumed her, it seemed to consume the world, too. She was no longer able to see the color in her world owing to the fact that the light in her eyes that enabled her to do so was cut off. Someone must not have been paying the electric bill.

Some days she did not see at all. Still no light; no electricity. Someone really needed to pay that bill. Those were the days when she experienced what it was like to those who were missing a sense. Those with only five senses found it common to experience one of the others more strongly to make up of the missing one. Though feeling is not one of the six senses, it was almost as if the sense of touch ignited inside of her rather than on the outside. Just as fingertips grazing a fire would feel pain her mind would do the same. It was mental rather than physical to her. She may not have been able to use her eyes, but the power to feel in copious amounts took over her whole mind and body. The paralyzing feeling of nothing mixed with a little bit of everything kept her a prisoner to her bed. Someone jumping and screaming in front of her would not have impacted her in the slightest. She couldn't see because of that damn light being shut off. All she could do was feel and feel and feel until the thought of her own mind and body fighting against her drove that girl nearly mad.

She looked at the people and the world around her yet there was nothing there to her. She was just trapped in her head feeling and hurting, desperate to discover why her mind was trying so much harder to pump her brain full of cortisol, the stress hormone, rather than keep her well balanced.

On the days that she did see it was almost as if the man upstairs stopped coloring in the pages of her life for the reason that he wanted her to see the world clearly now; in black and white, if you would. The world in black in white was nowhere near as magnificently radiant as the splashes of color allowed it to be. The reds, yellows, and blues brought a form of life to the universe that was only apparent when it disappeared. The lack of color in her once vibrant life transformed her into a walking, pessimistic armor rather than a human being. She viewed the world without hope and love, and she couldn't help but look at things so...dark. That's just what happens when the pages aren't colored in.

Where was the person that was to be paying her electric bill and coloring in her world? Could they not see what the lack of light and missing color was doing to her? God, it was destroying her. Day by day, week by week, and month by month she walked the earth either blindly or without color; until one day she didn't.

One day she decided that she would pay the electric bill herself: she would be her own light. She started to color in her own pages and my goodness, that was the best decision she had ever made. She enabled herself to see the world just as she wanted to see it: radiant, beautiful, and good. She was the one picking the colors this time; not some outside force that was hellbent on depriving her of the reds, yellows, and blues.

Yes, there were still days where the light inside would flicker or a colored pencil would break, and that was okay. Instead of letting the light burn out without fixing it, she would change the lightbulb and move on seeing that nothing lasts forever. She finally jumped out of the mindset that happiness was a feeling that was meant to be constant, and that's when she realized that she was the one that had been holding her back. Bad things will happen, and they'll hurt; however, that doesn't mean that this is a terrible life. Her newfound ability to continue coloring a vibrant life despite the rough patches allowed her to see the beauty in everything. She was so busy filling her life with beautiful moments, thoughts, and people that she didn't even notice how healthy her once damaged soul had become.

Her soul food was laughter, love, and throwing herself into everything that mattered to her; and she was hungry for more. She couldn't imagine a life where she did not crave to be more intune with the world; her bright and brilliantly beautiful world.