Every guy needs to go through a heart break. I believe this is one of the rights of passage to become a man (unless you found the one). There are tons of articles and open letters to my ex from girls all over the country. Maybe it is time for us men to open up and share how we were affected.
For me I thought I was the luckiest man in the world. I fell in love with a girl who I knew, but also became very close friends with. We everyday eventually to hanging out once a week with friends (to cover up i wanted to see her). Her name is April and she was a ray of sunshine to me. I was not popular, more nerd and never had a girl who actually liked how naive could I be. Well after a nudge from a friend I finally asked her out and it was worth it. She was my first girlfriend ever. I was turning 17 as we were both going into junior year of high school. It was the happiest last two years of high school dating my best friend. But we were not perfect, we were complete opposites. I grew up middle class, she grew up in a wealthy middle class. We were both adopted but I knew my birth parents and family very well but she didn't. She was outgoing and I was more reserve to a degree. She harbored some resentment to me as I did with her. Sounds like a perfect couple!
To make matters worse, she was my ex best friends ex girlfriend. Things happened that was forced and hard to come to terms with for her. She had baggage, I did not. She was my first girlfriend, first kiss, first for everything so I fell for her really hard. I also was controlling, immature, young, and selfish. She was just a young, immature, insecure and a tad bit controlling. From borrowing clothes, friends, plans we both yelled at each other and fought like a married couple. It felt like marriage to be honest but not a good one. We both loved each other so much that was the only thing keeping us together. Senior year happened we had our first break up but got back together by a promposal. But things were different in just a year, I became more active in my fire department, rode the ambulance more as well as attended a five credit EMT course at night at the local community college senior year. I started to see things and go on calls that were bad and I lacked how to handle things properly. I formed a shell took it out on her and was overall stupid.
I also started my firefighting classes and became more active going to calls which she was not used to me doing. Resentment for the fire house became quite clear as was mine for her dance recitals. We grew apart after this summer. We both barely saw each other and we both knew saying if we find someone better and stuff at college. I was attending Towson University in Baltimore (city border) and she was at American University in D.C. We went a month apart since she moved in two weeks earlier than me. That is when I knew things have changed, and that is when I did not want to believe my gut. More fights, pushing for things and stuff from the both of us. Each day we both got numb and the "I love you's" were less. We both knew it was time to end it sooner or later.
Then the day came after a huge fight and she called it quits. I tried to make use get back together after two weeks and law enforcement was called to to quiet both parties and their friends. That weekend I came back to Christ, where I found comfort. But I was in an indescribable pain. I did not go to class for two weeks, ate Papa John's and had my RA worried if I was alive. I had my two weeks of not shaving and feeling like a bum. I was single, lost, and scared. I felt anger, hate, sorrow, naked, and alone. My friend Jake, who lived on the same floor as me, loves the gym and took me when I asked to come with him. That was the first of many wounds that were healed. This is when I found myself with friends smiling but I had deep wounds until now. It took a year for the feeling of her to past but she is a memory. I am sorry for what I was, what I done to her. If she could every forgive me I would not know. I am also thankful for her. She showed me thins about me and loved me like no one else had. She left me with what the taste of being in love with the right person will be like. She made me a better man by breaking my heart and seeing the errors of my ways, urges and what I do. Her crying voicemail of saying I am sorry pushed me to a better place and to become a better man while becoming the man I should have been. A man who trusts family and friends because they help you when you need it.
As of today, it will be my second year starting the fall as a single man. I am now in an accelerated Paramedic program at my community college for this year, and took a break from cyber security. I want to be a police officer as well as a medic or a firefighter medic. I have went through other friends, girls who came and went. Some more casual than others. Some people would want to go back and change things, but I would not because the feeling I felt, things that where done, have made me who I am today and give me the ability to share this part of my life.
Ladies, as much as some men affect your life, the same goes for men. We still feel pain, but we may never show it. I did but remember you have impacted us as well. Thank you to my first ex girlfriend for the break up. I would never become who I was supposed to be with you. Thank you for the young love that made us feel "we ain't ever getting older." Thank you for letting me go.
