I would not typically consider myself to be an overly emotional (or even just an emotional) person. I do not often cry at movies or TV shows. I seldom cry at weddings, and for me, even goodbyes do not always coincide with tears. But right at this very moment I find myself to be a little more emotional than usual. I am happy, sad, fearful, and excited all at once. As I am about to leave for my senior year of college, I am stuck in a place that is full of more than one emotion. I think that a lot of college seniors can safely say that they are stuck in this place right along with me.
Why do we so often let our emotions get the best of us before the chapter even starts? For those of us entering our senior year as college students, this is the year of lasts. This will be the last year we make the trip back to the place we've been calling home. The last year that we lug our suitcases up those four flights of stairs. This will be the last year that we move into our college apartments with our roommates whom we have grown to love like family. These will be our final moments staying up all hours of the night to talk about things we are passionate about. We will talk about where we see ourselves in five years, and dream of ways to make sure that all of the people we hold closest stay connected in the process.
I know that I am not alone in dreading the beginning of the end. I am struggling to accept the fact that this is truly the closing of a chapter, but I am not just sad. I am excited, I am scared and I am happy. I am excited to see where I'll be and what I will have done in five years. I know that my life, as insignificant as it may seem at times, has a purpose, a purpose that is quite possibly bigger than myself. This excites me! I am so ready to see God work in my life in ways that only He can orchestrate. I find this emotion of excitement to be paired with that of anxiety because I do not know exactly what that means for my future. I do not know exactly where the Lord will take me and that requires a whole lot of trust and patience, which is honestly terrifying. I am happy because even when I am scared and so incredibly sad, my God is faithful and He will provide for me.
I know that there is a plan for my life. I know my life is full of purpose greater than I can imagine. But even still, I cannot get past the fact that this will be the last time that I get to live in such an intentional community. My time at ENC has gone strangely fast, and I know that my senior year will follow suit. So, to all of you college seniors who feel caught up in this messy web full of different emotions, I am with you. I feel for you, and I am sorry that this chapter of your life feels like it's coming to an end all too soon. Also, I know that life moves on, and that’s OK, so let's enjoy our last year as college students, cherishing each precious moment as we experience it. Here's to you, class of 2017!
