Drunk people manage to simultaneously infuriate and intrigue me. I have worked at a bar and grill for a while and my hostess station is right next to the bar so I have many opportunities to observe the barbaric behavior and conversations these people have with one another. I have met an array of people, and while most of them are very pleasant, there are a select few that are quirky, to say the least. These are just a few of the personalities that have managed to make my job interesting.

1) The Loud Drunk

This type usually comes about in a group of people, typically girls, who have probably only had one shot but they are already white girl wasted and screaming as loudly as they can. They will probably toast something stupid like “Besties Forever!” or “Hoes before bros!”, but by the end of the night will be sitting on separate ends of the bar crying because one of their “friends” winked at the DJ who they had already waved at earlier so it should have been obvious that he was off limits. You will then inform them that he is in fact taken, and they will cry more and hug and make up.

2) The Sleepy Drunk

This person will probably be really fun and energetic when they first walk in, but this doesn't last long. They will soon start to slump in their seat and lean on the bar. In extreme cases they may even begin mumbling about how sleep is their only escape from their disgustingly awful life. I was unaware that having a beautiful wife, well-behaved kids, and enough money to get drunk every night made for an awful life but to each their own. Eventually your manager will come over and tell them that the bar isn't a hotel and they can't sleep, to which they will usually say that they were just resting their eyes or even that they were just blinking. Your manager will leave and you will go seat a table, coming back to see a snoring body slouched over on your bar.

3) The Angry Drunk

This kind of drunk is the most common. They are typically your regulars and make your job a living hell. They usually walk in already tipsy and have 3 or 4 more beers when they sit down. Around their second beer when you tell them to slow down they will probably call you a bitch or some other profanity and say that they are never coming back because the service sucks. You secretly hope that they are telling the truth. They will then start snapping their fingers at you to get your attention or comments about how you should “lay off chips because those jeans aren't looking too good anymore.” Eventually they will start yelling at or picking on someone else at the bar and laugh because they think they are the funniest person to walk the planet.

4) The Sexual Predator Drunk

This person is the absolute worst. They usually start out pretty innocent and easy going, even occasionally commenting on your beauty or how they would be blessed to get a girl such as yourself. Then vodka happens and suddenly personal space doesn’t exist. They will be all over the nearest girl, sometimes even seeking one out. They may even grace you with some stereotypical cat calls and ridiculous attempts at compliments. Then things might get physical. They might grab your butt or, even worse, grab your belt loops and force you awkwardly close to them. At this point you might threaten them or push them away but they are always up for a challenge. They will then start asking if they can take you home and rattle off some very uninviting scenarios.