My dad, my best friend, died on June 13, 2015. This is not a date that I will ever forget. My sister and I were at work (at the same place) were at work when my mom called. She told me to bring my sister home instead of taking her to my dad's house. In that moment in my heart I knew what had happened, but I did not want to accept it. I remember begging her to tell me what was wrong, but she just kept saying "I'll tell you when you get home."
My sister was sixteen, so I didn't want to tell her what had happened until I was sure. I got someone to cover the rest of my shift and mu sister and I went home. The entire was I prayed out loud. I prayed that everything would be okay, even though I knew it wouldn't be. When I walked into the kitchen, my mom was sitting at the table. I looked at her and said, "dad died, didn't he?" She nodded and I fell apart, I don't remember if it was my mom or my brother that hugged me, but I knew that my world had fallen apart.
My brother, my sister and me climbed into his truck and we went to my dad's house. There are certain things that are yours to take care of when your single father dies. The first thing was seeing my father one last time. The next thing was to decide which funeral home to call. After much crying, yelling by my uncle, and throwing up the three of us made a decision. That part was easy. We met with them the following morning and arranged a cremation with no service, just like dad wanted. The very last thing you must wrap your head around is how you move on with your life with one less parent. That is the hardest one.
After my dad died I was a very angry person. I was angry at every person and every situation. That is a stage of grief. I cried a lot, every time I was alone. I talked about my dad a lot. That seemed to help. I threw myself back into work and into my professional internship. I was okay until Thanksgiving rolled around. I cried thinking about the thought of enjoying the holiday without my dad. Seven months after my dad died, I started my first teaching job. I was so happy, but I felt like something was missing. In fact, all major holidays for the first two years were hard. There was also a lot of looking through all pictures and telling stories.
Three years later I am better. Of course there are days where I revisit different stages of grief (which is totally normal). I am going to therapy, which has been amazing. I no longer sit and cry. I do think about my dad often, but my chest doesn't get tight anymore. My mom have grown closer than we have ever been before. I am able to face everyday with a smile on my face. Do not get me wrong, some time I see someone that looks like my dad and it makes me want cry. The father-daughter dance at weddings make me sob. The song "Butterfly Kisses" makes me sob. Major life events come and go and I feel sad because I can't share them with my dad. There are also days when I feel kinda guilty for being happy. However, rest assured that all of this is normal. If you have lost a parent and you aren't sure if the dark cloud will ever go away, it will. Make sure you take your own time though, we all grieve in our own time.
