You decided that you wanted to take your own life. I don't know why and I never will, but I know more now than I did before.
Every single person matters. You see I barely knew you. I knew that you were smarter than me, I knew you loved to read. I knew you loved science, and I knew that you were funny. I knew all these little things, but I didn't truly know you. That's how I know that every person matters. I cried the ugliest tears I think I've ever cried in public the day that your seat was empty. I caught myself crying over my chemistry homework because I suddenly realized that that's what you were supposed to be doing. Now I know that you can even make an impact on the girl on the other side of the room even though you've never really had a conversation.
I know that truly showing love to other people extends way beyond your friends. I'm not trying to say that you needed me in your life to make everything better, but it hits deep that you were in the same room with me for a whole year, and I never knew you deeper than your love for chemistry. Conversations are important. I don't think I needed to be your best friend; but I regret sitting across the room and never having a conversation with the boy on the other side. Because now he's gone, and I've completely missed my opportunity.
The day your seat was empty, I learned a lesson that hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. It happens. It can happen in my hometown and it can happen in my classroom. It can happen to a teenager; it can happen to a bright and happy guy. Suicide is not fiction. This is something real, and the pain is more than real. You were in my classes even though you were a grade below everyone else. You had a future and you had a good one. This "reality" of suicide is not limited by that.
I learned not to be selfish with my attention. How much attention did I pay when you were in that seat across the room? I was so consumed by own friends and schoolwork that I didn't open my eyes to the people around me. Why do we keep to ourselves and only to ourselves? Why can't we take the time to realize that our school and friends are less important than the people around us? You see, I thought you were happy where you were and I was happy where I was. I never thought I'd need to be selfless with my attention, because I never thought you would be gone.
I never thought your seat would be empty.
