The Confidence That I Struggle To See In Myself

The people in my life who love me and care about me tell me that I am beautiful, intelligent, kind hearted, and all these other great traits. It feels great to be told that, but for once I want to believe these amazing things about me on my own. Sure I feel confident when I have studied really hard for a test or when I get my makeup done by my friends and then I put on a nice outfit, but the confidence I am desiring is something that is not short term. When I first wake up in the morning I want to know in my heart who made me and how beautiful that makes me. Even when I have bad days, by seeing the confidence I strive to have in myself will keep me focused on the more important things in my life instead of worrying what others may think of me.

Some people may think it is easy to ignore others and what they may say about me, but it is not and it is because of the pressure from social media to look like what everyone believes to see as beautiful.

I know no matter how many people tell me that I am an amazing person, this journey to find and see the confidence in myself is a journey I must take by myself with the Lord right by my side. This journey is not going to require a boyfriend, or hundreds of likes on my instagram pictures, or even the grades I earn from school to get me to recognize the confidence in my self or even to feel confident.

I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, but that doesn't make my life any easier. I still will go through bumps in the road, or may want to do something my own way when it is just my need to be in control so everything is perfect. I am human and I understand that I am going to mess up, but by being a believer means that I know my God still loves me unconditionally. It is important to me to have God apart of my life because he brings peace, joy, wisdom and love to my life.

Setting out time in my day every day to spend time reading my bible and spending time with the Lord is what I feel the Lord is calling me to do for this first part of the journey to create a foundation in my self confidence. Life gets in the way sometimes and I have tried to convince myself that other things are more urgent to get done. Clearly that feeling was not a spirit of God to tell me that spending time in the word is of less importance. In 1 Peter 3:4 it states, "Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight". This scripture is saying to me that the spirit inside of us is what God sees as great worth not the outside beauty.