Let's face it, at some point or another we have all been made to feel worthless by another person whether it be a friend, a boyfriend, or someone we hardly even know. It is the worst feeling in the world. I think what hurts the most is that sometimes you don't even realize how worthless they have made you feel for years until they are gone and you are so broken down mentally that you don't even know where to start picking up the pieces.
This has happened to me and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, not even upon the person who did it to me. I was with a guy for over two years and at first things were great, but over time things started to go downhill, although at the time I tried to ignore it. He began to tear my self esteem down. He would tell me how much he hated my clothes and that I should just wear jeans, boots, and a t-shirt. At one point he said to me, "I hate when you wear that, it looks like something my grandma would wear." He would ask why I wasn't wearing makeup and if I was "going to go out looking like that." I could count on one hand the number of times in the two years that we were together that he told me I look beautiful.
He hated that some of my best friends were guys. He didn't trust me even though I had never given him a reason not to. Everything became about him, where he wanted to go to dinner, what he wanted to do, what movie he wanted to watch. And I, wanting to make him happy, dealt with it. I became so busy doing what made him happy that I completely forgot what made me happy.
Then, one day, he decided that I was no longer good enough. After two years I get a text message saying "I can't do this anymore. I'm done." Not a phone call, not in person, but over text message. Now, I being 300 miles away from home was devastated and I have never felt more alone than I did in that moment. I had no idea what I had done wrong. I received no explanation. I chose to go home and be with my family that weekend and asked if he and I could meet in person and talk. I didn't expect him to take me back, I just wanted an explanation and some face to face closure. I thought I at least deserved that.
He said "no, I don't have time to talk to you or even see you." After two years he did not think that I deserved any kind of closure or explanation. I was not worth it to him. I was not worth 10 minutes of him time. I can honestly say that in that moment right then and there he made me feel more worthless than I had ever felt in my entire life.
I didn't hate him because of what he said. I didn't hate him because of what he did to me. I didn't even hate him for not wanting to give me that face to face closure. I hated him for how he made me feel. I hated him for making me feel like I was so worthless it didn't matter if I was dead or alive. Sure, you can forgive them and move on, forget the things that they said and did that tore you down, but you can never forget the way they made you feel.
When I dried the tears and headed back to school I turned to God. I became closer to Him and read His word and finally realized my true worth. The Bible says in Luke 12:7, "The very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Again in Song of Solomon 4:7 it says, "You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." I learned that the only person I need to be worth something to was God. As a child of God that makes me worth more than anything else I could ever imagine.
So to that boy that made me feel worthless, I have something to say to you. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to grow closer to my God and allowing me to learn that he is the only one I need to be worth anything to. Thank you for showing me how I should not be treated while in a relationship. Now that I am with a guy who loves me with or without makeup, regardless of what I wear, and tells me I look beautiful every single day I know that I will never let someone like you tear me down again. So thank you for making me a stronger woman, a stronger Christian, and just an overall stronger human being. You don't get to make me feel worthless ever again, and I hope you never make anyone else feel worthless either.
To those of you that have ever been in this situation please believe me when I say that the things that you do and the person that you are defines your worth, no one else can do that. Do not give someone the power to make you feel worthless, because in God's eyes you are worth so much more than you will ever know.
