I think I may have found the most accurate way to describe unrequited love in this day and age, and that's a combination of pad Thai, coffee and adrenaline all racing through your system. The pad Thai is acting as an agent of indigestion, the coffee is your energy source. The combination of the two, plus the adrenaline rush you get when you see someone beautiful in a room acts as the perfect storm. You're stuck in what I'm going to call "The Blue French Horn Conundrum". The Blue French Horn Conundrum is an homage to "How I Met Your Mother"' and its modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac: Ted Mosby. In the pilot episode of that series, our Cyrano steal a blue French horn from a restaurant, all in an attempt to woo Robin Scherbatsky, his Roxanne.
It was the beginning of the month of January and school had just resumed for the winter quarter. You get to class irrationally early, the constant fear of embarrassing yourself by being super late motivating you to hustle. You enter the classroom, get yourself settled, and then you see her: your Roxanne. Now, Cyrano, you have one of two options. You can either introduce yourself to her and charm her socks off, or you can stare from afar. Since you don't have a constitution made of iron and you get scared of pretty girls and starting conversations (like that one Vance Joy song says), you go with Option #2.
Roxanne is beautiful, Cyrano. She has these eyes that, with one look, will simultaneously make you believe in love and break your heart. And when she laughed, good guv'nor. You're done. Defeated. KO'ed. You have never felt anything like this in your life, and that's not reference to the indigestion that your Thai delicacy is giving you. Your hands get sweaty, your heart starts racing and your mind is in a tizzy.
This is when you enter the realm of the Blue French Horn Conundrum. You want to do something grandiose, like stealing musical instruments. You imagine all of the possible scenarios in your head. Should you be Lloyd Dobbler from "Say Anything..." and figure out her favorite song and play it on a boombox in front of her house? Or rather, should you pull the Don Quixote approach, and try to fight windmills, all in a feeble attempt to impress your lady love. Better yet, you could pull the Shakespeare approach and write grand sonnets and soliloquies about her beauty.
You go with none of these approaches. You stay silent and reserved. You don't tell her how you feel for fear of rejection and inadequacy. And for the time being, you're content with that feeling, Cyrano. You don't want to screw anything up beyond redemption. You go through the normal feelings of jealousy when she's with another guy, or when you accidentally catch a glimpse of her phone and you see her flirting with another dude. But, Cyrano, here's what I wanna tell you.
Spend this Valentine's Day not worried about Roxanne being wooed by some other gentleman caller. Spend the time worried about her making yourself better. No, I'm not saying be like Sandy in "Grease" and change yourself or who you are in order to impress someone. In fact, I'm saying the exact opposite. Focus on the things you love about yourself, your dreams and aspirations, and make that the driving force of how you live your life. People are attracted to confidence, Cyrano, so walk tall. You can make it through this bout of unrequited love, Cyrano. Embrace the Blue French Horn Conundrum that you're in. You'll be glad you did.
