Birds are the ultimate spy devices. They hover above, they perch on branches, and they're completely inconspicuous. All except for these few breeds who like to make their presence known. I absolutely hate these birds which is why I'm almost 99.9% certain that they work for the Bourgeoisie.
Pigeons
It's the eyes. It's always the eyes with the pigeons. Those dull, unintelligent eyes that make you wonder if it has a brain up there or just a complex system of gears. They're everywhere. They litter the ground chasing crumbs. They huddle together on power lines. That means that they see everything, literally everything, and no one cares to pay attention to them for that same reason. They blend in. If you go to a city and don't see a pigeon, then something is up. That's why they're definitely spying on us for the Bourgeoisie.
Geese
If the devil himself was allowed to make a bird, I wouldn't be surprised if the goose was his creation. I don't care what anyone says about geese, they are pure evil. It doesn't matter what you do. You can look at them the wrong way and they're ready to fight. If you step just a hair too close, those pitch black eyes of theirs will lock on to you and then they'll chase you, flapping their menacing wings and cutting your ears with their abrasive honks, until they tire or you meet your demise. That's why they're the strong-arms of the Bourgeoisie's birds.
Seagulls
Am I still holding a grudge against that one seagull that snatched the last remaining chip from my fingers in the summer of '09. You bet I am. Who needs an actual person to steal a secret code when seagulls work so much better. You have secret codes in your hand? Not anymore. The seagull's got them now. It will happen so fast you won't believe your eyes and when you report back to your superior and tell them a seagull took the codes, first of all, they won't believe you, and second, they would never expect the Bourgeoisie.
Hummingbirds
Have you seen these little terrifying helicopters? They fly so un-birdly fast they can't possibly be real. They frequent my home and threaten me by whizzing past my ear every afternoon when I have to feed my dog. It has happened so frequently that my parents have started watching me from the kitchen window for a good laugh as I frantically duck at every little buzz I hear. They're the Bourgeoisie's secret weapons. The geese will mess you up physically. The hummingbirds, they'll strike you psychologically and leave you traumatized.
