As this summer break begins to wind down, I have come to realize how much of my carefree and sunny vacation was devoted to spending a hefty duration of time indoors to appreciate the pompous remarks of television's most uppity personality. Though the entirety of "New Girl" is entertaining unaccompanied by the analyzation of each individual character, Schmidt undoubtedly offers the most comically egotistical messages out of all the Loft 4D roommates. Because of this, I have gained a new sort of gratitude toward Schmidt's quarrels, and I wanted to share some of my favorites.
1. "I'm not being overdramatic when I say that I would rather sit naked on a hot grill than wear something off of the rack." (Season 4, Episode 12)
2. "Now as my best friend I expect you to be willing to sacrifice everything for me at a moment's notice, including, of course, unfortunately for you, your dignity." (Season 3, Episode 1)
3. "Where do you even buy sheets like this? They have the thread count of a paper towel." (Season 2, Episode 6)
4. "Well, you have found my flabbergast button, and guess what? You've pressed it." (Season 3, Episode 11)
5. "You're listening to the radio and writing with a pen. What decade are we in?" (Season 1, Episode 20)
6. "I'm gonna go take a shower with Nick's bar of soap like a common ranch hand." (Season 1, Episode 16)
7. "I can't talk right now. I'm writing a strongly worded email to my florist." (Season 2, Episode 18)
8. "Without ash to rise from, the Phoenix would just be a bird getting up." (Season 4, Episode 3)
9. "You were denied a phone call because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!" (Season 1, Episode 17)
10. "Would you line up around the corner if they called the iPhone a 'slippery germ brick'?" (Season 1, Episode 20)
11. "Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?" (Season 4, Episode 2)
12. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go water my succulents." (Season 4, Episode 16)
13. "Please take that off. You look like a homeless pencil." (Season 2. Episode 22)
14. "If you need me, I'll be in my room listening to some mainstream hip-hop." (Season 3, Episode 4)
15. "Damp towel, damp! It's like a really big wet nap. I feel like I'm being licked by a golden retriever. Look at this bathroom. There should not be two girls in this bathroom. You're too humid." (Season 1, Episode 11)
16. "This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere." (Season 1, Episode 13)
17. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate this thing Schmidt." (Season 3, Episode 14)
18. "You're wearing cargo pants? Hey guys, how are we gonna transport all this cargo? Oh, we have Nick's pants! We're saved! Take off the freaking pants, man." (Season 3, Episode 14)
