I’m sorry, but at the same time, I’m not. We both knew I needed to go off on an adventure. What I’m sorry for are all the things I didn’t realize I would miss, or more importantly the things I would need.
I should have realized that late night phone calls would have to take the place of our face to face conversations. We couldn't just pick each other up and head to Starbucks to discuss the details of our lives. Soon all we would have were FaceTime calls and screenshots of texts to discuss. I wasn’t ready to not get your hugs or reassuring looks when I called you crying at night. But what I’m most sorry for is robbing us of some of the best years to make memories. The time we could spend making memories is crushed into the small amounts of time we both have off of school.
I look around my room and see the countless pictures of the two of us. They span from just nights of us at home laughing to SEC football games, and these photos represent something more than just events. They’re the conversations we had, the jokes that were made, and the super uncomfortable memories of random guys trying to dance with us in the middle of Starkville, Mississippi.
Looking back I wish I had made a different decision. Sometimes when I think of all the things that I can’t do with you I wish I had stayed closer to home to go to school. I wish the things we could do together didn’t depend on if I was going to be home when they were going on. I wish that you were the person I had here to talk to when I needed a shoulder to cry on, that you were the one I could call to come and get me when a date goes horribly wrong.
I wish I had been there the nights you needed a friend and didn’t have someone else there to talk to. I wish I didn’t have to watch our friendship struggle because I decided to leave you.
We both know that this was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Neither of us learns things the easy way. I’m so sorry for missing out on the memories that we could be making right now. And I’m especially sorry for not being there when your life changed drastically.
Honestly, its one of my biggest regrets. I wish in the moment you told me what was going on I could have packed up my car and driven straight to your house to move in. But I couldn’t and I’m so sorry. Because you've been there for me in times that I didn’t deserve to have a friend who would stick by me, and I couldn’t even be there to fight off the long nights and the moments of uncertainty.
I hope that one day I can make up for all the moments I’ve missed. I hope that I haven’t lost too much time with you. I know that life changes and that things will never be the same as our college years, but I pray that when I finally get to come home, our friendship will be that much more precious. It made it through years of being six hundred plus miles apart. I also pray that you cherish every phone call, FaceTime, Snapchat, and Tweet as much as I do.
As dumb as it sounds, this is what our normal day looks like and I don’t want to forget any of it. I may not be able to sit on a couch and eat ice cream with you when we've had a rough week, but I sure as heck can send you a dorky picture when you need a pick-me-up.
I’m sorry that I changed the course of our friendship. You’re one of the most important people to me. You make me smile, but I also know when you tell me something I’m doing needs to change you only have my best interest at heart. When I say I genuinely trust you with my life, I mean every word of it. You are the peas to my carrots and I wouldn’t have anyone else take your place.