Every Dr. Cox insult "Scrubs" Fans Need To Know
Start writing a post
Featured

Every "Scrubs" Fan NEEDS To Know These Dr. Cox Quotes

Dr. Cox may be the most sarcastic, snarky, and nasty person to ever cross television screens.

5516
Every "Scrubs" Fan NEEDS To Know These Dr. Cox Quotes

Dr. Cox may be the most sarcastic, snarky, and nasty person to ever cross television screens. His long-winded commentary and ability to destroy just about anyone made him terrifying and hilarious. Once you broke through his tough persona, Dr. Cox was genuine, caring and dedicated. He wanted the best for his patients and his interns. Here are some of funniest, most sarcastic and downright mean lines that Dr. Cox has said during his stint on Scrubs.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, me not caring!

JD: "You're ex-wife, she's the answer!" Dr. Cox: "Uh...things that ruined my life? Things that took half of my money? Things with sharp edges?!"

giphy.com

From now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're not allowed to talk

Hand to God, If you so much as look at me for the next month, I will mummify your head in surgical tape

You see, I am a lot of things. I’m a Scorpio, a registered Independent, a foodie, a parrot-head, yes I do love that Jimmy Buffet-always have, always will, a leg man. But I can assure you the one thing I am not is lonely

giphy.com

Laverne: "Does it help to know that Jesus love you?" Dr. Cox: "It does not!"

Jordan: "You know, you're gonna miss me more than I miss you" Dr. Cox: "Oh pah-leeze, I don't need those 4lbs of makeup and quarter inch of synthetically paralyzed skin!"

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

Giphy

I know what Kim did to you was just crazy, but pregnant women are among a select group of people who are actually allowed to act insane. Much like sports mascots, local weatherman, theme park performers, and that guy with a question mark jacket who teaches people how to get free money from the government

That's what we call a lie... or, when you're married, communication

So, if you wanna solve a real mystery go ahead and figure out who is taking my New York Times every Sunday. Or, better yet, how about why anybody on the planet actually thinks that Dane Cook is funny?

Oh my god, I care so little I almost passed out

Giphy

JD: "Do you think I need to grow up?" Dr. Cox: "Wow. You dream your whole life about that one moment. When it finally comes, you're just-you're not ready for it. Here goes. The answer is a sincere, emphatic, 100% definitive, never been so sure of anything in my life unequivocal yes."

Jordan, you're not looking as processed and overly-medicated as usual!

Payback is a bitch!

Giphy

Dr. Kelso: "Looking for something?" Dr. Cox: "Yes, my cloak of invisibility so that I can avoid conversation with soulless dictators such as yourself. Unfortunately it's really hard to find because as the name suggests, it's invisible."

Even though we all currently despise each other, we’re professionals. For example, I can lend Barbie a hand despite the fact that she’s a heartless, red-state-supporting, N.R.A. backing, illegal-immigrant-hating, self-righteous, misinformed dope, essentially Karl Rove with smaller boobs

Dr. Cox: "Go to Hell, Bob" Dr. Kelso: "I didn't even say anything!"

giphy.com

What is it with friends and the whole wanting to be in your life thing?

JD: "Dr. Cox!" Dr. Cox: "Okay, Linus, you're way too excited. I want you to get your blankey, go in the corner and take a timeout"

People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are, mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling

giphy.com

You, honest to God, get me so angry I'm afraid I may hurt myself

JD: "What is wrong with me?" Dr. Cox: "You're an annoying, whiny man child"

giphy.com

Mr. Morrison, I understand that one of our interns spent an hour in here telling you over and over that you are going to die. I would make him apologize personally but I’m having him spend the rest of the day checking that counter-top’s heartbeat

I find your particular brand of psycho-babblery about as useful and about as effective as fairy dust

If you go ahead and listen very carefully, you'll hear the familiar sound of no one caring

giphy.com

Before we start today, who watches Deal or No Deal *intern raises hand* Get out

A coffee place in a hospital? What’s next Bob, an ice cream parlor in the morgue? Admittedly not a horrible idea, seeing as the freezer’s already down there. Plus, it’ll be a perfect place for kids. One of our famous vanilla malteds definitely takes the sting out of having to identify the freshly charred remains of your father!

I would literally swear on my father's grave, but whenever I go there, I usually just end up dancing on it

giphy.com

I'm afraid you have confused me with someone who gives a crap

Should I talk slower or get someone who speaks fluent moron?

If someone is standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and can’t decide what they want in the half hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them

giphy.com

"And the category is-ding!-things that have a better chance of happening than you winning the lottery. Tedski, throw ten seconds on the clock for me, would you please?" "Go!" "Brain transplants, Britney Spears having another hit record, the Rolling Stones going on a farewell tour and actually meaning it, me caring about anything that happens on Wisteria Lane, Jessica Simpson winning an Oscar, Jessica Alba winning an Oscar, Jessica Simpson becoming Jessica Alba Simpson-" "Time!"

Any other day I'd say no, but today, I'm going to go ahead and just say no

I realize that your heart is made up mostly of muffin bits, the souls of little babies, and the denture grip you swallow every time you suck your teeth to get out the muffin bits and baby souls stuck in there, but what do you care?

God, My brillance is becoming a bit of a burden. Get back to me.

giphy.com

It just makes me wanna pick you up and shake you until all the wasted years of my life fall out!

Bob, I will admit to anything that’s true, no matter how embarrassing. For example, I’ve always wished to carry a child inside of me and you know, birth it. But I’ll never admit to missing you.

If the next two words out of your mouth aren’t “see ya” then the third will be: “Oh my god, my crotch. You punched me in my crotch”

giphy.com

You would hear crickets chirping but they were too uncomfortable about just unfunny that actually was

Laverne: "God works all things for good, Romans 8:28" Dr. Cox: "Bull dinky, Perry Cox 6' 1", Buck 85 after lunch"

giphy.com

I never went to Acapulco, Mrs. Goldstein. I lost three patients and spent the last two weeks on my couch trying to drink myself to death so that my victims and I could be reunited in the afterlife and they could rightly have their vengeance. Then I realized that that tactic would never work, as I’d be sent straight to Hell, which I imagine is actually a lot like Acapulco, only there would be fewer Latin men trying to sell me Chiclets on the beach. All the best.

"Laverne, would you go ahead and thank what's-his-name for me?" Laverne: "Jesus?" Dr. Cox: "That's him"

Dr. Kelso: "So what do you think, Perry?" Dr. Cox: "Either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea"

I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet and may in fact be satan himself

Dr. Cox: "I've seen the Wiggles in concert... twice." Turk: "Did they perform Big Red Car?" Dr. Cox "They opened and closed the show with it, it was... awesome"

giphy.com

You know, as a doctor, I rarely root for the disease, but with you, I find myself chanting 'go hypercalcemia with underlying M.E.N syndrome, go, go, go!"

You go do that, and I'll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself emotionally, and we'll meet right back here at half-past impossible!

Report this Content
Student Life

To The Girl In The Back Row

I just want you to know you are loved. You are loved so very much.

22
To The Girl In The Back Row
Sojo.net

Recently I was blessed to be a counselor at a wonderful camp, secluded in a cornfield somewhere in Virginia. I consider myself to be a seasoned camp counselor, as I have not only been a camper for most of my life but have been privileged enough to work multiple camps with all kinds of different facilities. I have worked camps with multi-thousand dollar facilities, with zip lines, rock walls, ropes courses, and boats. I have worked at camps with amazing water sports, camps with paintball, camps with canoes and paddle boats and floating blobs or trampolines in the middle of the water. I have worked at camps with in ground pools and camps without any pools, and even some camps with go-karts. I've had problem kids, kids who refuse to listen to anything I say, kids who sneak out after lights out to meet a significant other, and kids who are every camp counselors dream.

Keep Reading...Show less
Politics

Why The United Nations Is Key For The World

"As to the U.N., things will be different after Jan. 20th"- Donald J. Trump

297
Why The United Nations Is Key For The World
Flickr/ses7

The United Nations (UN) has been in existence since June of 1945. Since then, the world has come together to work on and solve some of the harshest problems that face the Human Race. Be it children in societal ills like Human Trafficking, natural issues like Deforestation, or issues of extreme poverty, the UN has worked together in an attempt to make it a better place for us all. It's the only organization in the history of the world to bring people together in a willing, peaceful way; a feat that not even the League of Nations could do in the Post- WWI era. Why was it that one organization failed, and the other one is still going strong, 72 years later?

Keep Reading...Show less
Rory Gilmore
Bustle

Quick-witted and insanely smart, Rory Gilmore has a track record for memorable, relevant quotes that have become a part of fans’ repertoires. With it being finals season, many of Rory’s words can be conveniently interpreted to reflect life during the last weeks of the semester. Here are some of Rory’s wisest words that explain your life during finals season.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

Rosh Hashanah Reflection

My experience welcoming the Jewish new year.

1203
Rosh Hashanah Reflection
The Huffington Post

Well, the fall season is finally upon us. It’s time for pumpkin spice coffee, apple cider and lots of candy.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

Fall Is Here!

10 reasons why you should love fall

4207
Fall Is Here!
Photo Cred: T Stangell

It's officially fall, which means I am happy, so very happy. Fall is hands down the best season on the planet. Below, I will go over reasons as to why fall is the best and should be loved by everyone.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments