The Battle Scars of Insecurity

The Battle Scars of Insecurity

To be skinny or to be chubby...
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I was in middle school or was it considered elementary? I’m not sure. Private schools always bunch up the two academic levels together. Perhaps it was elementary, but I remembered coming into a new school, nervous to start everything over again. I was nice, I’m always a nice and honest person. So why was I labeled so horribly?

What did I do or say to be verbally attacked?

I pondered over these questions as I browsed through a fashion magazine.

And after a moment of flipping through model photoshoots and make-up brands, I realized something in today’s standards of beauty. The ideal woman would come out of a Covergirl magazine, or maybe Victoria’s Secret ads.

The finely sculpted tone legs and abs, the perfect well-kept glossy hair or the natural red lips are all definitions of beauty we see in the media. But let me tell you something, these images fail to connect with those who were not blessed with a fast metabolism. For a long time, I’ve cursed my chubby figure because of those extra layers of fat… I was ashamed of myself and in a way I still am. And I know I’m the only one to go through this. What many beauty companies don’t realize when they portray a beautiful, thin, cellulite-free model is that they are bringing down the self-esteem of thousands of girls in America. And this can bring a lot of pain and trouble not only for these girls but for their families. According to NYC Girls Project, 60 percent of girls as young as ten-year olds compared their bodies to those of a professional model or actress. 40 percent wished they were skinny too and 31 percent admits of having to starve themselves in hopes of losing weight.

There’s a problem here, America.

For a long time, I was labeled as ugly. Before I didn’t understand why I was labeled so horribly, but I get it now. It was the way I looked. Image is everything. Have you heard of the cliché expression never judge a book by its cover? Well, guess what… we do judge by its cover first. And our bodies are that book cover.

The majority of young girls compares themselves to models which makes them insecure of their own skin. And because of the desire to be “attractive” in the eyes of society, many will develop eating disorders, depression and even commit suicide.

As I figured out why my tormentors were doing this was because of my body, I realized that the nasty comments were majority made by girls. Girls against girls? What!

Yes, in between the “sister code” there is evil. The majority of my tormentors were girls. Many girls look down on others just to feel sure about themselves.

So young ladies I propose that we stop this endless battle between us. We should realize that it doesn’t matter what size jeans we wear. The importance is that we love the body we came in. I know I will never be a size 5 and I’m okay with it. I don’t mind those curves. Now it doesn’t mean that girls who are a size 5 or less should be ashamed of anything. So us chubby girls shouldn’t bring down our sisters too. I’m sure skinny girls get bullied as much as chubby girls. But why!?

What is it with is constant need to be beautiful in the eyes of society (which by the way change their beauty standards every decade). Why can’t we love ourselves for ourselves? Why can’t we say I’m going to lose weight for my benefit not society? Or I’m going to gain some pounds on my account?

It’s a battle, ladies. A battle against hating ourselves for not being a Covergirl. Just like Ms. Cara said in “Scars to Your Beautiful”:

“There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark
You should know you're beautiful just the way you are
And you don't have to change a thing
The world could change its heart”


You don’t have to change your book cover to fit the library’s regulations. Just like an amazing fiction book have some sassy in your title and rock your cover proudly.

Cover Image Credit: https://pixabay.com/

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3. He loved me as his own.

The big one, the one that may seem impossible to some step parents. My stepdad is not actually my stepdad, but rather my dad. I will never have enough words to explain how grateful I am for this man, which is why I am attempting to write this right now. It takes a special kind of human to love another as if they are their own. There had never been times where I didn't think that my dad wouldn't be there for me. It was like I always knew he would be. He introduces me as his daughter, and he is my dad. I wouldn't have it any other way. You were able to show me what family is.

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