The Battle Scars of Insecurity

The Battle Scars of Insecurity

To be skinny or to be chubby...

I was in middle school or was it considered elementary? I’m not sure. Private schools always bunch up the two academic levels together. Perhaps it was elementary, but I remembered coming into a new school, nervous to start everything over again. I was nice, I’m always a nice and honest person. So why was I labeled so horribly?

What did I do or say to be verbally attacked?

I pondered over these questions as I browsed through a fashion magazine.

And after a moment of flipping through model photoshoots and make-up brands, I realized something in today’s standards of beauty. The ideal woman would come out of a Covergirl magazine, or maybe Victoria’s Secret ads.

The finely sculpted tone legs and abs, the perfect well-kept glossy hair or the natural red lips are all definitions of beauty we see in the media. But let me tell you something, these images fail to connect with those who were not blessed with a fast metabolism. For a long time, I’ve cursed my chubby figure because of those extra layers of fat… I was ashamed of myself and in a way I still am. And I know I’m the only one to go through this. What many beauty companies don’t realize when they portray a beautiful, thin, cellulite-free model is that they are bringing down the self-esteem of thousands of girls in America. And this can bring a lot of pain and trouble not only for these girls but for their families. According to NYC Girls Project, 60 percent of girls as young as ten-year olds compared their bodies to those of a professional model or actress. 40 percent wished they were skinny too and 31 percent admits of having to starve themselves in hopes of losing weight.

There’s a problem here, America.

For a long time, I was labeled as ugly. Before I didn’t understand why I was labeled so horribly, but I get it now. It was the way I looked. Image is everything. Have you heard of the cliché expression never judge a book by its cover? Well, guess what… we do judge by its cover first. And our bodies are that book cover.

The majority of young girls compares themselves to models which makes them insecure of their own skin. And because of the desire to be “attractive” in the eyes of society, many will develop eating disorders, depression and even commit suicide.

As I figured out why my tormentors were doing this was because of my body, I realized that the nasty comments were majority made by girls. Girls against girls? What!

Yes, in between the “sister code” there is evil. The majority of my tormentors were girls. Many girls look down on others just to feel sure about themselves.

So young ladies I propose that we stop this endless battle between us. We should realize that it doesn’t matter what size jeans we wear. The importance is that we love the body we came in. I know I will never be a size 5 and I’m okay with it. I don’t mind those curves. Now it doesn’t mean that girls who are a size 5 or less should be ashamed of anything. So us chubby girls shouldn’t bring down our sisters too. I’m sure skinny girls get bullied as much as chubby girls. But why!?

What is it with is constant need to be beautiful in the eyes of society (which by the way change their beauty standards every decade). Why can’t we love ourselves for ourselves? Why can’t we say I’m going to lose weight for my benefit not society? Or I’m going to gain some pounds on my account?

It’s a battle, ladies. A battle against hating ourselves for not being a Covergirl. Just like Ms. Cara said in “Scars to Your Beautiful”:

“There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark
You should know you're beautiful just the way you are
And you don't have to change a thing
The world could change its heart”

You don’t have to change your book cover to fit the library’s regulations. Just like an amazing fiction book have some sassy in your title and rock your cover proudly.

Cover Image Credit:

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.

Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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No, Blondes Don't Have More Fun

Assumptions of personality traits based on hair color are lies.


Blondes are notorious for two things: the "dumb blonde" stereotype and the phrase "blondes have more fun" (which, up until recently, I didn't realize originates from a Dolly Parton song).

I spent my entire life as a blonde up until the moment I bought brown hair dye on a whim and changed the color of my hair nearly a month ago. Since doing so, the phrase "blondes have more fun" sounds like utter rubbish.

I feel as though I engage in more "crazy" activities since becoming a brunette: vaping, participating in activities I would have never considered trying before. Sure, I could chalk this up to me feeling like a different, changed person with the idea "new hair, new me."

The thing that gets me, though, is that I feel like I have been granted permission to "have fun" because I'm no longer weighed down by the "dumb blonde" stereotype. Before, I was so concerned about not doing something stupid or saying something stupid; if I did, I was feeding into the stereotype. Now, there's no weight attached. I no longer worry about appearing stupid.

Putting this aside, a hair color doesn't define someone's personality. It's silly to think that way.

I went from blonde to brunette, and I have no intention to go back anytime soon.

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