The Battle Scars of Insecurity

The Battle Scars of Insecurity

To be skinny or to be chubby...

I was in middle school or was it considered elementary? I’m not sure. Private schools always bunch up the two academic levels together. Perhaps it was elementary, but I remembered coming into a new school, nervous to start everything over again. I was nice, I’m always a nice and honest person. So why was I labeled so horribly?

What did I do or say to be verbally attacked?

I pondered over these questions as I browsed through a fashion magazine.

And after a moment of flipping through model photoshoots and make-up brands, I realized something in today’s standards of beauty. The ideal woman would come out of a Covergirl magazine, or maybe Victoria’s Secret ads.

The finely sculpted tone legs and abs, the perfect well-kept glossy hair or the natural red lips are all definitions of beauty we see in the media. But let me tell you something, these images fail to connect with those who were not blessed with a fast metabolism. For a long time, I’ve cursed my chubby figure because of those extra layers of fat… I was ashamed of myself and in a way I still am. And I know I’m the only one to go through this. What many beauty companies don’t realize when they portray a beautiful, thin, cellulite-free model is that they are bringing down the self-esteem of thousands of girls in America. And this can bring a lot of pain and trouble not only for these girls but for their families. According to NYC Girls Project, 60 percent of girls as young as ten-year olds compared their bodies to those of a professional model or actress. 40 percent wished they were skinny too and 31 percent admits of having to starve themselves in hopes of losing weight.

There’s a problem here, America.

For a long time, I was labeled as ugly. Before I didn’t understand why I was labeled so horribly, but I get it now. It was the way I looked. Image is everything. Have you heard of the cliché expression never judge a book by its cover? Well, guess what… we do judge by its cover first. And our bodies are that book cover.

The majority of young girls compares themselves to models which makes them insecure of their own skin. And because of the desire to be “attractive” in the eyes of society, many will develop eating disorders, depression and even commit suicide.

As I figured out why my tormentors were doing this was because of my body, I realized that the nasty comments were majority made by girls. Girls against girls? What!

Yes, in between the “sister code” there is evil. The majority of my tormentors were girls. Many girls look down on others just to feel sure about themselves.

So young ladies I propose that we stop this endless battle between us. We should realize that it doesn’t matter what size jeans we wear. The importance is that we love the body we came in. I know I will never be a size 5 and I’m okay with it. I don’t mind those curves. Now it doesn’t mean that girls who are a size 5 or less should be ashamed of anything. So us chubby girls shouldn’t bring down our sisters too. I’m sure skinny girls get bullied as much as chubby girls. But why!?

What is it with is constant need to be beautiful in the eyes of society (which by the way change their beauty standards every decade). Why can’t we love ourselves for ourselves? Why can’t we say I’m going to lose weight for my benefit not society? Or I’m going to gain some pounds on my account?

It’s a battle, ladies. A battle against hating ourselves for not being a Covergirl. Just like Ms. Cara said in “Scars to Your Beautiful”:

“There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark
You should know you're beautiful just the way you are
And you don't have to change a thing
The world could change its heart”

You don’t have to change your book cover to fit the library’s regulations. Just like an amazing fiction book have some sassy in your title and rock your cover proudly.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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5 Inexpensive Websites For Summer Clothes

If you are looking to online shop for your summer closet, check out these stores.


Summer is here and so is a whole new category of fashion; high waisted swimsuits, mom jeans, graphic tees, chunky sneakers, and many more styles that have become popularized in 2019. If you are trying to save some money while keeping up with the latest fashion trends, online shopping on the right platforms is a great way to get the most bang for your buck!

Listed are the five most cost-effective online stores that each have their advantages and disadvantages so you can spruce up your summer lookbook. The best way to get the most clothing items on these online stores for the cheapest is to search for promotion codes online and take advantage of any email sign up deals, student discounts, and general sales they are currently promoting.

1. Zaful

If you are looking for a very cheap option so you can put the most in your cart, Zaful is your best bet. This store is stocked with everything under the sun including swimsuits, tops, bottoms, jewelry, shoes, hats, and more starting at 4.99. Zaful offers 15% off of your first order as well as free shipping for orders over $49, so you can fill your cart with more items than you think you are paying for.

2. Nasty Gal

Nasty Gal is a great store for quality items that will live a very long life in your closet. Although the prices seem high at first glance, the online platform has constant deals occurring such as their current 50% off everything sale as well as their 60% off everything for students sale. Nasty Gal is a great brand to build your closet essentials due to the great condition and material of their clothing items.

3. Pretty Little Thing

Pretty Little Thing is a great online store to shop for summer events because of their beautiful dresses and tops. I recommend purchasing occasion wear from this brand because a lot of their loungewear and regular items are overpriced for what they are worth. In the sale section of Pretty Little Thing, you can find many dresses and dress pants for over 55% off. If you are looking for a few fancier outfits for summer occasions, check out the sale section of Pretty Little Thing to get some nice looks for cheap.

4. Misguided

Misguided is an online store that has a unique vibe in the clothing they sell that is worth a browse because of their eccentric and fun styles. The platform has recurring sales that range from 25 to 50 percent off, which allows you to get twice the amount that you pay for. If your style includes graphic t-shirts, oversized t-shirt dresses, and good quality loungewear, Misguided offers great quality items with low prices to spruce up your summer outfit aesthetic.

5. Boohoo

If you love rocking matching sets and co-ords, look no further that Boohoo for the best patterns, styles, and prices. Boohoo usually has a 50% off sale going on, which goes a long way when you can purchase a matching two-piece set for as low as $20. Although Boohoo sells beauty products and accessories, their sets and outfits are the best items to get your money's worth in quality and quantity.

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