If the end of a semester drags me down into a strange depressive cycle, the end of the academic year incites a full-blown panic. What am I going to do with my time?
It's been this way for as long as I can remember, which means since I finished my doctorate eight years ago. I love commencement ceremonies: so much promise, so many beginnings. After the final strains of "Pomp and Circumstance," though, I find myself staring at the walls wondering what on earth I supposed to do now.
I watched "The Shawshank Redemption" a couple of days ago. If you haven't seen it, I can't recommend it enough. While I don't see my workplace as a prison, I recognize the connection between my situation and Red's, the character portrayed by the incomparable Morgan Freeman. Finally paroled, his adjustment to life outside is fraught with confusion and an unhealthy and ill-advised longing to get back inside. When you know where you are and have internalized the rules of engagement, ordered your days in ways that allow you to thrive, it's tough to rewrite the script overnight.
No, college isn't an early 20th century maximum security prison. But in case, like me, you are feeling a bit lost without the comforting routine of the school day, here are a few suggestions.
1. Go with the flow
I spend those initial days doing nothing save what occurs to me in the moment. My slate is blank (sort of — more on that in a moment), and I try my best to let it be that way for as long as I can stand it. Is it uncomfortable? Heck yeah. I'm constantly nagged by the feeling that I need to be doing something, anything, that would advance my career/research/teaching/general knowledge of the universe. I figured out a while ago, though, that the universe isn't going anywhere. I can take a day or three to let my body and mind rest.
2. Embrace the sad
Sometimes the loss of the routine brings me right down into the depths of depression. I am an anxious person. Once all of the goalposts are gone, a host of feelings and worries descend like locusts, and I find myself sometimes looking at my life (and a pile of laundry) and wondering how on earth I let things get this bad.
3. Cleanse the palate
I teach English and rhetoric and writing. I live immersed in issues of public dialogue and social justice. I dive into the bad stuff, y'all, and I swim that water for months at a time. When the year ends, I find myself drawn to sitcoms, binge-watching them as though I have to teach myself how to laugh again. I save entire series now like I still save non-work books: they are my summer vacation, sweeping out some of the emotional residue and allowing me a chance to build up reserves to restore my equilibrium.
4. Shift gears
Eventually, reality sets in; I may not be teaching, but there's plenty of work to do. Research projects, prep for the fall term, conference presentations — these activities are ones I've been looking forward to, and I need to get to them sooner rather than later. I reorder my days. I make a new plan.
5. Schedule breaks
Don't forget: it's summer! Take a vacation, even if it's just a week of couch surfing. Students and faculty alike have to recharge their batteries. Figure out what activities will restore you — really restore you — and make space and room for them.
Confronted with the endless tedium of life's unfair and relentless march, Andy Dufresne, a main character in "The Shawshank Redemption," utters the film's most famous line: get busy living, or get busy dying. When I feel the trap of my mind struggling to snap shut, I remember those words and am thankful that my prison is only a self-imposed one. Hello, summer.