The Adventures Of Lord Roman - Chapter 5: End of the Rag

The Adventures Of Lord Roman - Chapter 5: End of the Rag

The further you go, the less you know.
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Roman's long black hair swung like a sick pendulum. Through bleary eyes the damp tiles of the dungeon flickered orange when they passed wall-hung torches. The pink peanut beast's shoulder was soft to lie on. It was more comfortable than the torture table he was strapped to before. The only thing stopping him from relaxing was the sight of his arm, or what was left of it. Only bone was left. Somehow, the bleeding had stopped and the pain had become mere, but complete, exhaustion.

The dark orange maze took innumerable right angles, u-turns and spiral staircases up and down, until anomalies patched the stone cold walls. A tuft of grass poked through the rock there, a bundle of lollipops here. The sound of the peanut's footsteps randomly changed from the endless soft step on stones, to crunching on glass shards, scuffing gravel, paddling through water and back to stone. The colours of the flickering torches altered too, making Roman feel dizzy when purple and green light wobbled the shadows. Instead of the claustrophobic silence that was so crushingly large, sounds from other realms of experience echoed from far down the corridor: the shwifting of ocean waves, a theatre audience's laughter and a night owl calling lonely. Roman groaned and mustered strength to look at the hole-eyed clay faces that held his gaze along the corridor. The pink peanut's hyper laugh bubbled quietly at the sound of Roman's groan.

Pink and emerald gemstones outcropping the walls grew more regular and a plush red carpet trailed beneath Roman. The torchlight became increasingly bright lamplight. Then Roman was plonked down into a velvet red chair. The peanut beast sat in a similar one next to him and burst into hysterical vibrating giggles when the actors on stage all fell over at the same time.

In his delirious head state, Roman could see that he was in a large theatre with a full crowd. He sat in one of the booths high above most of the tail-coated audience that waved and jeered at the tomfoolery on stage. It seemed as though one bourgeoisie fellow was making a poor courting attempt with a snooty blonde whose hair billowed as much as her dress. The audience smathered into uncontrollable laughter when she turned his back to him and crossed her arms. So did the peanut monster.

Tears welled up in Roman's eyes. What was happening? Where was he? Why was his arm pure bone and no more?

He stood up, grabbed the brass-edged balcony and screamed. The vibration from his lungs instantly pinged off every well-angled corner of the sound-boosting theatre until all were silent. The nervous, tail-coated man on stage stood up straight and spoke in polarized voice of pure confidence.

"He has arrived. Open the rag."

"Open the..." Roman staggered his words and dizziness spiraled down his blood like a helterskelter. Black and white fuzz dripped down his vision and his grip on the smooth brass loosened along with every other muscle in his body. Like a watery rag, he slipped over the balcony.

Cover Image Credit: ytimg

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If You Love These Taylor Swift Songs, You Have 'Track 5 Syndrome'

The fifth song on Taylor Swift's albums can't help but have a special place in your heart.

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Taylor Swift is well-known for her emotional songs that make us both swoon and cry. While there are plenty of them, the best ones are hiding in plain sight. Look no further than the fifth track on Taylor Swift's albums. Chances are, these are the ones you've connected with the most on an emotional level. If these track fives make you hit the repeat button when you're feeling down, then you probably have Track 5 Syndrome.

1. Cold As You

From Taylor Swift's debut, self-titled album comes this relatable tear-jerker about a girl who likes a guy who doesn't treat her right.

"Now that I'm sitting here thinking it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you."

My response to that line was always, "And I've been to Alaska, so that's saying something!"

If you've ever fallen for a jerk for some unexplainable reason, this song really hits hard. You don't want to like him, but for some reason, you can't help yourself. To him, you're a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore him.

Also, this song may have taught you a new word: condescending.

2. White Horse

This song is from Fearless and has a fairytale theme. If you've seen the music video, which is even more emotional than the song, you'd know that it's about her being cheated on. Even if you've never been cheated on, you can still relate to liking someone who has hurt you and made you second-guess love.

"Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around."

This guy isn't good enough for a white horse. He probably had to paint it white to trick her. Either way, she doesn't buy it. In the end, he is begging for forgiveness, but she turns him down because she knows she deserves better.

Let that be a valuable lesson to you not to settle.

3. Dear John

This song from Speak Now uses the cliche beginning to a love letter to call out a guy named John (Mayer) who has hurt her. It is almost seven minutes long, but it is well worth the listen. Maybe that's why Taylor Swift made it track five; she knew about the theory and wanted this song to be special to her fans.

"Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home."

This guy is a player who played her. She ignored people's warnings to stay away from him, and she got hurt.

You've probably been there. You've probably thought that a guy would change just for you and treat you differently than everyone else. He probably didn't.

4. All Too Well

This song from Red is my all-time favorite Taylor Swift song. I love songs that tell a story, and this one tells one I can relate to. This song was originally ten minutes long until she cut it down to five and a half minutes. She basically threw up all her emotions and then formed them into a beautiful ballad.

"I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'cause I remember it all, all, all too well."

We all have things we would like to forget, but they're so engraved in our minds and our hearts that we remember them all too well. Sometimes someone hurts you and it impacts you more than you would like to admit.

But you can do what Taylor did and turn that pain into something beautiful.

5. 1989

Of course, 1989 has the fifth track, but it doesn't really fit into the mold. The song is All You Had to Do Was Stay, and it is far from a ballad. Does that mean that Taylor Swift stopped making the fifth track an emotional ballad after Red? No, it doesn't. She just took a break. 1989 was a completely different musical style than what we came to expect from Taylor Swift. That's not to say there weren't any songs that could have made a good track five. If it were up to me, I would have chosen You Are In Love.

"And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars. And why I spent my whole life trying to put it into words."

6. Delicate

Taylor Swift returns after a long time with her sixth album and her fifth emotional track five. Delicate is about her liking a guy as more than a friend but being afraid that her reputation will keep them from being together. It's a delicate topic to admit that she likes him and to confess that she's worried he won't like her.

"Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate."

In the Behind The Lyrics for this song on Spotify, Taylor says,

"When the album starts off...it's more like 'Oh, I don't care about what you say about me.' But then it hits this point on track five where it's like...'Oh, maybe this does actually matter a little bit.'"

She used a vocoder in this song, which she says makes it sound "really emotional and really vulnerable, and really kind of like sad but beautiful." That's exactly what a track five should be like!

Also, in the music video for this song, she makes a reference to Track Five Syndrome. When she's dancing in the subway, there's a column behind her with the words "Track Five" written on it.

Diagnosis

You should know by now whether you suffer from Track Five Syndrome. I suppose I shouldn't use the word 'suffer' because it's actually a pleasant feeling in a cathartic way. Taylor Swift has given us these emotionally vulnerable ballads to help us understand that our feelings, good or bad, are something we need to embrace. That being said, you should go make a Track Five playlist for the next time you need to let your emotions run wild.

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Lashing Out At Morgan Stewart On Twitter Made Justin Bieber Look Like A Baby, Baby, Baby

Ariana Grande invited Justin Bieber on stage for a quick "Sorry" cameo during her Coachella performance and watching it was a waste of time.

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You may know her from her stint on "The Rich Kids Of Beverly Hills," but Morgan Stewart is now a host of several shows featured on E!, including the show in the hot seat, "Nightly Pop." This show is basically a big celebrity round-up of what is going down in Hollywood at the moment.

To summarize the deets, during the Biebs' performance with Ariana Grande at weekend 2 of Coachella 2019 his song "Sorry" played with full backing vocal of his track with a faint echo of his voice over the music. On "Nightly Pop," Stewart said:

"No! Poor song started before him, OK. I did not realize it was going to be that bad! *laughs*"

I mean, she's not wrong. His real vocals started a good few seconds after the first verse.

The first time I watched him start singing, I actually cringed. Not because it sounded bad, but because you could NOT hear him and the lip syncing was so off!

After Morgan's surprised response to his performance, the Biebs took to Twitter to express his feelings on her reaction.

His complaints about her specific remarks continue in a thread of tweets. Ariana Grande made an appearance after JB's tweets to back him up saying that a lot of cameos sing with the original vocals and that they decided to do the performance 10 minutes before the show. Her tweets have since been deleted, shocker.

So, let's cut to the chase. Morgan Stewart had every right to say what she did. She is a TV personality and her job is literally to talk about the happenings in the famous world. If she would've said, "Yeah Justin Bieber sang over his own vocals, that's all," and moved on, where is the juiciness in that?!

And I'm sorry, but Justin, I could pull up a karaoke version of your song on YouTube right now. How hard could it have been to get the track with no vocals to sing with Ariana? Probably not very hard I'm guessing.

Also, let's talk about Morgan Stewart's cohosts who said a lot more provoking things about the performance and Justin's appearance than she did. One cohost, Hunter March, playfully remarked after the mention of Justin's new album, "Oh good, I can't wait to hear him not sing it."

I mean, that's just good television. And let's be honest, these TV personalities who are paid to discuss celeb deets say what they say thinking that the celebrities are not actually to watching it. They are there to entertain those who are not A-listers, sorry.

In Bieber's tweets, he said that they should be building people up and not tearing them down with criticism, but what in the hell type of show does that? Maybe Disney Channel, but come on now.

Does anyone else find Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande's responses a little counterintuitive? By calling someone out who is less famous than you on your MUCH LARGER platform really building people up? Is it really making the world a better place? I'm going to guess no.

As someone who works in media, I find the unfiltered remarks from Morgan Stewart to be spot on. I mean she is just saying what everyone else is thinking. Get over it, Justin.

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