If you have a smart phone you've been subjected to the torture that is a group message (or GM's). Whether it comes in the form of text messages, what's app, or group me, you know what I'm talking about. Best case scenario you're held hostage in a conversation for a few hours, worst case scenario your phone can't handle it and shuts off. Not every GM has been created equal, some are put into do not disturb or notification free purgatory, while others are popping at all times.
1. The Family GM
This one is just plain chaotic. From your mom discovering emojis and using them at the most inopportune moments, to you younger siblings pleading with the car driving masses to give them a ride. it's filled with "Don't forget Granny's Birthday" texts, and "Check your data this month" texts. Plus the alternate brag about not failing a test, doing something impressive that doesn't involve the preface of "Well when i was at the bar" and asking what's for dinner. This is the GM that makes you regret teaching your mom how to text.
2. The Sibling GM
This is the real deal. This is where you discuss who did what that pissed off mom and dad, where you explain that happy hour got the best of you and you need someone to come get you, and where you decide who's gonna be the one to ask mom and dad to get pizza for dinner, or argue about how who needs the car for what. This GM is honest AF, and probably named something like Drug Deals (mine is named this), and includes lots of reminders of while your siblings are great people, you can still render them powerless with a well timed wet willie, or karate chop to the throat.
3. The Team GM
Having been in a 32 person iMessage (yes that experience was as horrifying as it sounds) I know that one person asking who's in the caf will tell you exactly what time 15 of your other teammates intend to make their appearance. And while it's helpful sometimes (like that time I forgot a sports bra and was in class), it's mostly just people telling each other to shut up, asking what color shirt we were wearing to praccy, or where the turn up was.
There's usually a GM with coach, and a GM without coach, the one with coach is usually about time changes, practice instructions (don't bother with equipment, just bring running shoes wwaahhh), and the one without her has lots of name calling, playful drunken escapade shaming, and asking if someone has a tampon. THIS GROUP GETS MUTED, without question.
4. The Classmate GM
This one is usually created out of pure desperation, whether it be an impending midterm, a vaguely worded paper prompt, or some other thing that causes you all to band together. Usually, if you're on the same track in your program you all have the same classes together so this GM is important to survival. It usually picks up around the time of a big deadline, or a midterm exam. You all band together to survive the semester. This GM will be what saves you, embrace it, love it.
5. The Roommate GM
You live together, therefore you need to know if you're out of milk, where the wine opener is, and if someone can take your chicken out of the freezer while you're at work. This GM isn't one you really write in unless food, the cable, or rent is involved, but that's mostly because you live with these people and only text them when you can't walk to their room and annoy them in person.
6. The Work GM
This is typically a no-nonsense group chat. "Hey Tina someone in the office needs you", "Jim, you need to come sign for this package", "I need someone to go to the front to buzz in a guest." The age of smartphones is upon us people, and any smart manager knows to utilize the ability to reach all of their employees instantly.
This is a no-nonsense group, might have an "LOL" or emoji here and there, but you're in GM's with your work friends that your bosses aren't privy to. Just don't confuse the two... that could be disastrous.
7. The Squad GM
These are the GM's where it all goes down. The roasting, the analyzing of texts, the concocting a response, the outfit approval, the planning on who's bring the marg mix and who's bringing the tequila. These are the GM's that make all the other GM's worth it.
Whether it's your friends you've had since high school, the friends you made in college in separate parts of the country/world but still accessible via group chat, or your work friends. These GM's allow you to tell your whole squad the latest gossip without having to retell the same story, or answer the same questions a billion times.
The Squad GM is the original GM, the text message answer to the conference call, it's beautiful (unless you're the one being roasted then it's painful).
8. The Making Plans GM
When you're trying to assemble multiple groups of friends, or you're having a high school reunion pregame. This is the GM that is probably the most frustrating.
You lay out plans, everyone talks about what doesn't work for their different schedules, and finally after tons of finagling and moving things around we have solidified plans to drink wine coolers and play Mario Kart. The plan making GM is worth it because usually, it gets the job done in a few hours when usually it would take days.
Group messages are something everyone understands, the meticulous making of group names, the care to include the right people in the right messages, and to make sure you're not sending screenshots of someone to the GM that they belong to. Peace, blessings, and happy group messaging.
