Ahhh...the first day of the semester. Peel yourself from bed, fight for a shower in the communal bathroom and prepare for a full day of classes. As you walk towards your first business or sociology or psychology class, you see thirteen the familiar faces of college life:
1. The Zombie:
Pale skin, frizzy hair and eyes so sunken in they practically scream a silent "help me". This person clearly has a week full of 8 am classes. As they slowly stroll by like a member of the undead, releasing small pitiful moans, be grateful that you've been blessed with no class before the crack of 10. Watch them go and stay far away, you never know what they'll do around your well rested flesh.
2. The Skipper
If there's a sign in sheet... this person's name is at the top of the list. Then they're out of the door before their pen can even get back into their pocket. It's like you can see it on their face as they slyly walk down the hallway. Credit without effort...we'll see how this practice pays off on the midterm.
3. The Creeper
Someone this guy is always walking around the campus, but you've never seen him go into an actual classroom. Is he a student? An adjunct? A pedestrian? How is he always around but never actually anywhere. Lurking on benches and in front of vending machines he seems to always know the move...but never actually makes any.
4. The (Clearly Lost) Freshman
Don't try to GoogleMaps the building kid...it's not going to work. On one hand, you want to help the poor soul, let him know he's going in the right directions and that it's not actually necessary to buy a book for EVERY class you're in enrolled in. But on the other hand, you would be doing the poor sprite a disservice by helping him. It's a cold world out there. They're going to be late, but they'll learn.
5. The Squad Deep Squad
MOVEEEEEEEEE. JUST MOVE. Move to ONE side of the sidewalk. Move into a straight line. Or pairs...walk in pairs. My point is don't take up the entire walking space. Somehow, everyones just far enough that they taking up the entire pathway but not far enough from each other that you can squeeze by. This impossible situation requires you to shout copious amounts of "excuse me's" and elbowing your way through the group.
6. The Late Kid (Who Cares)
Run Forrest Run. Scurry down these linoleum floors and hope to God that the professor hasn't walked into class yet. Maybe next time you'll wake up earlier, or leave at a better time, or plan for the walk across campus. I'll scoot out of your way and make sure I'm not an obstacle in your mad dash for participation points.
7. The Other Late Kid (Who Doesn't Care)
C'mon Forrest...speed up a little bit. I know you have the same class as that kid in front of you, but I can see in your gait that you truly do not care at all. We're all paying for this, might as well give it some effort.
8. The Awkward Ex
Is that them across campus? I'd know that head of hair anywhere. Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact...don't make...Hey. Okay cool now keep it pushing. You're both adults, you can both function on the same campus without thinking about the way they did you wrong and who they are and how you're better and that they're:
9. The Sixth Year Senior
They're still here? Weren't they a junior the year that you came? An orientation leader? This is not the person who is struggling to finish classes, working hard and pacing their course load. This is the senior who CLEARLY could have been done eons ago but has stayed to ride out extra semesters of college. You know who you are. We know it's fun, but it's time to move on. Take the right classes needed to graduate and go, we'll all be better for it.
10. The Friendly Non-Friend
Hey YOU, how are YOU? I'm emphasizing how happy I am to see you in order to cover the fact that I can't actually remember your name. This is the person who you know....but you don't know, you know? It's like you could've been friends in the past, but now you've established this weird semi-relationship of small social interactions and it would be too strange to break the cycle now.
11. The Turned Up(er)
Mmmm...hope it was worth it. The party had to be super-extra lit for how beat up you're looking today. There's a way to balance socializing and studying in college...and this person is clearly floundering. Someone should tell them that staying up until the wee hours of the morning and red solo cups filled with lord-knows-what will be a detriment to their health...and GPA.
12. The Squad
Ayyyyyyy...there they are. Waiting outside of the building so you can all get seats next to each other. They greet you with smiles and hugs, even though you just saw each other at breakfast. No matter what, at least you know that the homies have got your back. In a sea of faces, there's are the ones that you're the happiest to see.
