We've all had those nights...(or days, if you're feelin' risqué) where the alcohol just hits us and the blackout commences. I am going to take you step by step the 11 beautiful stages of being blackout, as told by my favorite television show, "The Office."
1. You get a text for the pregame
Here is where your night begins. One of your close friends hits you with the, "You drinking tonight?" or "Wanna come over and pregame?" text. You being the person you are hit them with the...
2. The shots have started, and you're feelin' yourself
This is my favorite time of the night. Just chilling with your friends, listening to bomb ass music, and taking shots to guys who made you feel shitty earlier that day and girls who always have your back.
3. The über arrives
I must say, the Uber chronicles could be its own fucking book. However, I've shortened it to a couple of sentences. The Uber must have: an aux cord (to play that fire), a cool driver (to listen to that fire), and you're best drunk ass friends in the car (to sing that fire). Honestly, your driver should basically act like this when they pick you up:
4. Reaching your destination
At this point, maybe your pregame shots have worn off, but you're ready for more. You think you're ready for more shots so you're ordering at the bar like...
5. Seeing the girl you hate... Why was she allowed in?
Oh no, this is when the alcohol really starts to kick in. You grab your closest friends and start taking shots to that stupid bioootch who hooked up with your almost to be (not really, you don't have a chance with him) boyfriend. You're staring at her from across the room like...
6. Seeing your crush...
Yikes! Round two for grabbing your closest friends and taking shots to have more confidence to talk to your boo thang!!! (At this point, you're already pretty intoxicated, but you think you need some more liquid courage to talk to Brad.) So you just stand there like this while he's like, "What's up?"
7. A stupid idea from you or your friends emerges
For the most part, I'm always the one who has the legit dumb idea out of my friend group, but ya know what... I've accepted it. This idea can consist of doing karaoke at your local bar (lame), eating like 7 dominos pizza pies (less lame), or just like taking more shots (the least lame). But everyone is pretty drunk so they're all like "Good idea Sarah! OMG!"
8. It's time for bed, but you gotta text a few people first...
This is a no-no, but somehow always happens. You start liking people's shit on Facebook, commenting smiley faces on random Instagram pictures, maybe even texting someone you probably shouldn't... ya know, people might get the wrong idea!
9. You start questioning everything in existence
Why didn't Jimmy text me back today? He was at the party, he saw me right? Am I ugly, Becky? Why can't I stop crying? Who ate my fucking easy mac?? Going up to people like you don't know like,
10. Wake up bitch, you gotta throw up
Suddenly you're awake-- still in your clothes from last night, you did manage to get off your shoes (how? who helped me?). But the overwhelming nausea sensations consume you... You're sitting over the toilet like...
11. Curing that beautiful hangover
Eat some greasy food, get a coffee, watch Netflix, and make sure nobody speaks to you. 'Cause for the most part, you're feeling a lot like shit.
Good luck with your next drankin' adventure,
