After you pack your last bag, take your last final, and turn in your last paper, is there any limit to what you can do? Yes, friend, the sad answer is yes. Unless you have plans to go somewhere immediately after the school year is over or have a cluster of friends waiting to suck you back into your old high school social life, you may find yourself wondering what to do next. While some of us may be so lucky, others might end up doing the following:
1. Watching Your Mom’s Favorite Shows
Being in a home with nobody but your family means you will end up watching their favorite shows constantly. My mom is a huge fan of the Big Bang Theory, Tigers’ baseball, and Wheel of Fortune, and while I think they’re OK, I can’t say that I would normally seek them out on my own. Despite this, I have watched nothing but these shows for the past three weeks. I am living in a Mobius strip inspired by the antics of Sheldon Cooper.
This torment includes all other forms of entertainment, such as movies, talk shows, and even your radio programs. Your phone will be your only solace. You are warned.
2. Getting a Summer Job
Break out the resumés, kids, you’ve got work to do! You just haven’t found it yet! A lot of people will work retail, so it’s best to put yourself out there immediately. Also, it helps to remember when you’re getting yelled at by a bitter old man on a Saturday morning that you can talk about it later to your future employer as "real-world" experience.
3. Spending a Lot of Time Online
Whether you do it to get away from family, look at other people’s vacation photos, or just browse memes, the internet will become your life. You will not remember a time when you were without the internet. Cat videos might even be your chosen method of relaxation after getting home from your job. You will breathe Wifi.
4. Younger Siblings Never Being Around
School sucks, and, unfortunately, your younger siblings are still caught up in the maelstrom of it. You can give them support, but you cannot take away their pain. In fact, you being there probably only makes it worse, because you are free and they are not. You are hurting them with your presence. It would be better if you weren’t even there. You should leave before they fill your hair with gum while you sleep.
5. Older Siblings Always Being Around
They leave the house about as often as you do which is never. They’re used to lying around the house, though, so they know how to keep mom and dad happy. They have a system set up and don’t want to be interrupted. Get used to getting turned down to go places, because they will always cite having other things to do. Miss your cool roommate yet?
6. Finding It Impossible to Eat Right
Once you get back from college, you may start to realize how much garbage you actually ate on a daily basis. The problem might be further exaggerated when you suddenly don't have to walk to your classes and carry 15 pounds of books every day. Think of this way, though: this is the opportune time for you to re-learn how your parents originally taught you to eat!
7. Becoming Intellectually Castrated
Whether or not you realized it, you probably enjoyed sharing deep intellectual conversations with your peers at college. Now that you’re back home, all those things just don’t matter anymore. People want you to be concise and talk about things that matter to them, not to you, like coupons, back pains, and the ethics of posting personal information online. Be strong, my friends. It’s only real life.
8. Being Unable to Go Out Every Weekend (Without Explaining Yourself)
Suddenly, the freedom you had to go out with friends becomes a family affair. You have to ask your parents who may or may not say yes depending on whether or not they like who you’ll be hanging out with. You might also have to drive your siblings to school on days when you want to go out which your siblings (see 4) will resent like nothing else. Also, you can’t drink.
9. Being Unable to Watch Anything R-Rated
This doesn’t just apply to people with younger siblings, although it does make it worse. Your parents also probably won’t like any of the things you normally liked watching at college. Experimental movies will be viewed with just as much revulsion as a snuff film, and nobody wants to hear your opinions on why a particular movie sucks, anymore. Again, the internet will become your only salvation when it comes to this.
10. Being Stuffed In Your Room with Your Stuff
Get used to living in a temporary storage closet, guys! Everything that you had that fit perfectly in a dorm room might not fit very well in your room at home along with everything else you left behind. I would recommend cleaning out a corner in the basement where you can store all of your leftover stuff or having a garage sale ASAP!
