Inevitably, every semester, there will be one huge paper that you will be required to write. Luckily, this novel you've been asked to compose is usually assigned the first day of class. This gives you an insurmountable time to write this best-seller and even give you the opportunity to break it up into small chunks of work.
But will you do this? No. Will you make excuse after excuse and push it off until the absolute day before it's due? Yes. And will you learn from this mistake? No, no you won't.
Here are the 10 steps you will take to write your paper:
Step 1: Stare at your laptop for 2 minutes, then close it cause you have one more day to procrastinate
Telling yourself you'll just have one glass of wine then go to bed cause you've got a paper to write tomorrow and need to be mentally all there. Then waking up at 2 a.m. next to your roommate asleep on the couch like...oops.
Step 2: Complete and utter panic
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF.
Step 3: Force yourself to sit down and crank it out
Giving yourself overly optimistic pep talks like, "this won't be so bad!" and "I can write this in 2 hours!" Hate to break it to you, but you can't.
Step 4: Blank out for a whole 45 minutes and realizing that you just spent that entire time on Pinterest
You are the real-life SpongeBob, except he at least wrote "The."
Accepting that you have absolutely nothing to show for yourself beside the fact that you now know how to make a new craft and dinner.
Step 5: Eat.
Maybe it's to take a break from that rigorous "Pinteresting" going on or cause you need "brain food," whatever your excuse is, it's not valid and you know it.
Step 6: Giving yourself an aggressive pep talk
Then being so motivated you sit down and just start typing words, doesn't matter if they even make sense, we just want words!!
Step 7: Successfully completing one full page and starting to feel like this will actually get done
One page down, and only nine more to go!
Step 8: Falling asleep for 15 minutes then waking up in a panic
Where am I? What time is it? Why is this paper still NOT done?!
Step 9: Coffee Break
Paper is due at 8 a.m. and you gotta do what you gotta do to pull that all-nighter.
Step 10: Successfully finishing your paper and being too exhausted to even look it over
Knowing half of it is probably not proper English, but it's words on paper and that is all that I was told to submit. That's all I got. Goodnight and goodbye.
