Regardless of age, gender, or lifestyle in general, most people are bound to have that one ex. The ex that will always linger in the back of your mind. One ex, but thousands of conflicting emotions.
They could have done you so wrong, but for some reason, whenever something happens you feel the need to give them the benefit of the doubt. It's mainly stupidity and foolishness, but it's also the little faith that you have leftover that's trying to make a breakthrough.
Being young, I know I felt invincible, as if nothing bad could possibly hit me. Until one day it did. It was a breezy Saturday morning in September and I woke up around 11, excited to see my boyfriend later on that day. Little did I know that I would not be seeing him, and that he would be breaking up with me that night.
I remember the whole day being a miserable mess. All I wanted to do was to forget about it by distracting myself, so of course I call a friend. That didn't help much, I just talked about it until I fell asleep on her bedroom floor.
Around dinner time I get a breakup text. Not even a call or FaceTime or the best way, face to face contact. I got a silly text that made me sick to my stomach. The tears and the heartache start and my whole word seemed to have been flipped upside down. How could everything have been perfect less than 24 hours ago? What happened? To be quite honest, I don't know what happened and I don't think I ever will. Maybe the reason that this ex is the ex is because of all the questions and confusion left without proper closure.
I thought my life would not be the same and nothing would ever be okay again, but I was so wrong and thank God I was wrong. After thinking about it and meeting with him, I was definitely not going to let some boy change who I am. If he was confused about himself, that's totally fine, but keep me out of it.
Although I had such a strong mindset initially, I still had to face him everyday because of school. There would never be a chance I would take him back, yet that does not mean I don't talk or think about him every single day. At the end, I saw that he is a horrible person, but that also doesn't mean I didn't fall for him, and I fell hard.
So yes, breakups are extremely hard, but they can teach you so much about life and about yourself. Sometimes the thoughts that go through your mind are insane and even scary. However, this person will never define who you are.
Every so often, you might want to send them that 2 a.m. text telling them how much you miss them and how you hope they're doing well, but don't. When you wake-up the next morning, you are not going to want to have sent that. It may kill you to pretend like they didn't impact you like they did, but it would look bad to let them know how caught up you are about it.
Their name may always burn or make your blood boil a little when you hear it, and the memories will always be there, but there's a point in time where it just won't mean as much as it used to. Keep pushing forward each day, and slowly the frequency of all the thoughts in your brain will fade, and the hurt will fade too. Everything will work itself out and end up perfectly okay in the end.
