Have you ever been with someone who you've grown to care about so much that their arms feel like home? You want to be with them constantly and every part of you feels so happy when you are... This is the rainbow, the bright sun, and stars on your day. If you know this feeling then you may also be familiar with the sun setting and only leaving darkness around you, the storm that comes with the rainbow, and the stars that are the only light shining through when there is nothing but black around you. Those moments are the moments when you are not with them, your gut aches. Literally, aches. It's such a twisted feeling...the knot in your stomach of the constant wonder of where they are and what they are doing or more importantly...who they are with. The heart-wrenching feeling of worry that you might say one wrong thing and they turn on you, they turn their back to you, shut you out, and leave you only to do things they know will hurt you.
The moment when you realize that you are more alone next to them, than when you are in a room by yourself. You love them with all your heart but there is just a part of you deep inside that knows how truly toxic they are...the moments when you're away...probably alone. Telling yourself you deserve better, that you know that you don't hurt people you love, so they must not love you. Or maybe the moments when you are stabbing each other with the sharp knives coming out of each other's mouth. Or maybe even when the day is over and you're lying next to them, but you feel so alone. How can you possibly love someone so much that you can't control what you do? It's a drug.
A sick, uncontrollable, painful drug that is so toxic for you but you're addicted. So addicted you can not stop no matter what state it puts you in. No matter the outcome, it will always drag you back to give you such a great high, but always has a fallout or negative outcome in the end. How can one single individual in the world of billions have that much control over you? How can one individual be everything you could ever dream of but in a blink of an eye turn to be your worse nightmare? The truth is, you might call it love. He/She may call it love. But that is an excuse.
Control. Pain. Lies. Mistrust. That is not love. Love is powerful, do not misunderstand me. Love is so powerful that it heals all wounds. If your love is suffocating, controlling, and has you feeling trapped, or even afraid, and constantly causing more wounds, and worrying results in twisted knots in your stomach. It is not love.
Love does not cause wounds, it heals them.
