Thanks For Not Being There

Everyone has, or had, them. The friends that you think are great, that you think will be by your side through thick and thin, your bridesmaids; but then, they aren't.

They aren't there in your bad times, and they aren't even really there for the good times either. Conversation stops, most likely because you've stopped reaching out, and that's when you realize it. Those friends you thought would be there forever? They weren't exactly the best friends, for you or to you.

I had a group of friends throughout high school that I thought were my BFFs for life. How wrong I was. Looking back, it's hard to believe that I put up with them for as long that I did. That I put up with being put down and made fun of, all for the sake of a punchline to a joke. That I put up with the flakiness and the attitude for that long. And that I put up with being second place, when I should've always felt my absolute best.

Friends don't do that, I know that now. And yeah, I had some good, even great times, with these particular friends. But that doesn't make up for everything else. Friends are always there, not just when it's convenient for them. Friends don't put you down, they're supposed to lift you up. Friends aren't supposed to bully, whether they're being serious or not. Friends are supposed to be so, so much more.

And despite all the downsides to being treated like that, by my so called friends, there was one upside: it made me realize exactly who, and what, I deserve.

I don't deserve to be treated the way I was, I deserve better. I deserve friends that are willing to go to the ends of the Earth, and that are always willing to go get a cup of coffee with me. I deserve friends that don't mind to listen to my whining, because they know I'll be just a good of a listener when it's their turn. I deserve friends that love me, and you do too.

So thanks, I guess, to those bad friends I had early on. You made me realize what friendship is, and what it isn't, and exactly which one I deserve.