First off, I would like to state the obvious and start this ode by saying thank you. I was just a young girl when I first met you and had no idea that you would be anything significant in my life. I remember all the effort you put into trying to get my attention. The songs you sent, the endless long text messages you wrote, staying up all night getting to know me and making plans for our future to follow. We were just crazy kids, we didn't know any better than to think it would last forever. Memories were made, secrets were shared, and vulnerability slowly crept inside the opened door of a place in my heart I hadn't yet known existed. You were it, you were the "one" (or so I thought).
I remember when you started to lose interest; when I started to become the lowest priority on your agenda. The questions I asked myself: 'what did I do wrong?', 'why am I no longer good enough?', 'how can I change to make him love me again?'. Your silence left me in a coma; I was trapped in my own mind, full of criticism towards myself. I completely blamed myself. I was hitting rock bottom and then digging a little deeper. You broke me.
I let you walk back in and out of my life whenever you pleased for years. You knew just the right things to say to play every string of my heart in your favor. You played me, and I let you. Yet, I thank you.
You taught me I was worth more than I believed. You taught me exactly what kind of "man" I did NOT want to be with the rest of my life. I learned there are people in this world that do not know how to love someone that cares for them more than anyone else ever could. I found my strength and I learned to patch my own broken heart the best I could. I became the girl I never wished to become and I overcame her. I grew up faster than I even needed to, and I'm happy for that. You didn't know it, and neither did I at the time, but you were shaping me and leading me to the life God planned for me. You were the obstacle, you were the training, you were the mistake that put me where I was meant to be.
It took me a while, I admit, to accept that goodbye is what it was going to take to get onto the other side. I accepted it was going to hurt, I got past every tear, and I finally reached the finish line: the closure, the acceptance, the freedom.
The funny thing is, looking back now, it's hard to believe I actually ever thought you were the one; because once I found him, you couldn't even compare. Yet, I thank you.
Sincerely,
The girl you changed for the better by being the worst
