Dear ‘Dear Evan Hansen’,

I didn’t listen to the cast album as soon as I should have, if I’m being honest. I had heard about it, but wasn’t sure if I had time to completely immerse myself into another musical sensation.

It wasn’t until one day before finals that I was particularly stressed and needed to work on a paper. I needed something to listen to that I could focus on, but it wouldn’t distract me.

As you can probably imagine, I ended up very distracted because I found myself listening to the music rather than working on my paper. I was falling in love with a story that I found myself relating to way more than I ever imagined.

Of course, when I got about halfway through, I decided to go look up the synopsis online so I knew what was going on. This is when I was sold. Everything suddenly clicked into place and carried so much more meaning than it already did. ‘Dear Evan Hansen’ suddenly became a piece of something I held near and dear to my heart.

When I was in high school, I wasn’t popular. I went to insanely small school, so everyone knew me, but I definitely was not popular by any stretch of the imagination. I had a few close friends and a few others I considered friends, but never really spent quality time with them. No matter the social situation I found myself in, I was always the outcast. My voice didn’t speak within groups, I was always left behind in bathrooms or stores if I didn’t make sure I wasn’t the last one, and people sometime forgot I was there. It didn’t help that I didn’t have a whole lot of confidence in my abilities, or myself but I still didn’t really belong. I told myself it was fine, people could ignore me and it would be okay.

But it wasn’t.

I found myself saying yes to everything, hoping to please those around me, and then maybe they’d notice me. I tried to insert myself into situations and held on tightly to those moments when others acknowledged me. Others might have thought of me as odd or obsessive because I remembered the weirdest things in their minds. But I was just remembering moments when I fit in and belonged.

When I first listened to ‘Dear Evan Hansen’, every song spoke to me in a way that I hadn’t expected. I made it through school and then went away to college, where I have had the opportunity to find my place and truly be myself and accepted completely. I survived being terrified of being the butt of jokes or making mistakes because that meant others looked at me more differently than they already did. I lived through the constant ache and fear of being alone.

This musical dug up all of these memories and made me remember where I was a mere few years ago and where I am now. I have come so far, all because I believed exactly what this musical is trying to say.

You will be found.

No matter what hole you have found yourself in, someone will always be there and it will always get better. If you’re broken on the ground, someone will be there to help you back up.

I made it through those years; some others aren’t as lucky. I had a good support system and a strong belief that I could survive anything. This musical shows exactly what it’s like to be completely lost without any sense of direction. What it feels like to be on the outside always looking in.

‘Dear Evan Hansen’ has spoken to me in a way I never imagined a musical could and more than anything I wish I could go back and show this to my younger self. Knowing how much she would relate to it and how much it would mean to her to know that there are others just like her.

So thank you ‘Dear Evan Hansen’, for giving me a peace of mind I haven’t felt in a while. That what I went through isn’t nothing and the fact that I have come out of it way better than most is amazing all on its own.

I survived and I found myself.

And someday, you will be found.