Why do people write?

They have something to say. They want to put all of these thoughts and feelings into words. There's just something compelling them to communicate through words.

Why do I write?

I have something to say. My mind is constantly flooded with ten million thoughts, feelings, ideas, memories, tidbits of who knows what, and usually a Joebama meme or something of the sort.

But I also have a poor, scrambled memory. When I'm talking to people, I tend to forget what they say. I forget what I say! I forget where I'm going with my words. I love the hell out of texting, because I can reread the conversation and I can remember what I've just said, what they've just said, what we've all just said! It's great! For me, writing makes sense. It is the best way for me to express every single thing on my mind.

Writing is something I can do during a panic attack. Or when I'm in the car. When I'm sitting on my bed at home. When I'm in class, bored out of my brains. I can write whenever, wherever. There's usually nothing that can stop me from writing.

There are some things I write for me. Just me. Maybe a poem or a short story or a journal entry. I keep these 100% completely private. Nobody but me sees them. There are other things, such as these Odyssey articles, some other poems, or a play, that I share with other people. I'm comfortable enough to show the final product of what I've created.

We, as people, like to be recognized. We like to know when someone likes our work. I'm certainly no exception. I love to receive praise, especially when it's about my writing. Because my writing is so personal to me, it's far more meaningful to hear someone say, "Good job." That's one of the reasons why I write. I like to write and get feedback. I like to try to make an impact.

I'm good at measuring my own self worth based off of what people think of me. If you think my writing is trash, chances are, that's going to get to me. I know what you're thinking... "Just don't let it get to you!!" (Gee, never thought of that one before...) But I'm a person who is very deeply impacted by what other people think of me. It's a delicate balance. Sometimes, I don't think I could give less of a shit about what people say about me. Other days, I'm in tears for hours on end because of one comment or one look I got from someone.

My inner monologue is typically "I'm not ____ enough." I'm not good enough. I'm not sexy enough. I'm not quick enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not funny enough. I'm not cool enough. I'm not talented enough.

I'm just not enough.

I don't know when this way of thinking started, but it's here. I've been running over these thoughts for years, searching for ways to validate my own worth. Searching for evidence to disprove these burdening thoughts. When I'm writing, I often explore myself. I try to find reasons why I have the right to exist.

I've been writing for about ten years now. Through that time, I have explored myself profusely. I have found myself in the words I write. Through these ten years, I have developed my own style. Even though I have a lot to learn, I know what I'm doing. My writing is the most personal thing I own. It's something I take immense pride in it, which is why I am so affected by what people have to say about it.

But being a writer isn't such a glamorous job. When someone reads an article or a magazine or a book, they all of a sudden become professionals. They are an expert on the topic and they know that their opinion is absolutely correct and the author is wrong. People like to pick apart my writing. They like to tell me that I'm wrong. I should be less opinionated. I shouldn't be so blunt. Any swearing is totally inappropriate and unnecessary. I should be more professional.

Some people are out to change the world. They think if they touch almost every single heart on the planet, then and only then are they successful. In order to make any kind of meaningful impact, we must impact the masses.

I know I'm not famous. I know a lot of people don't like me. Many people don't read what I write when I send out links to my articles. And that's okay. I don't need to impact millions of people for a few minutes, just for them to forget every word I've written as soon as they find a BuzzFeed quiz, like a tweet, or open a Snapchat. I need to impact just one person for a lifetime. That's enough for me. Even if it's for a year, month, or just a week. Touching someone means more to me than one would think. I don't need to touch a wide variety of people, I just need to touch a few people deeply.