Do you ever feel academically incompetent compared to your peers? Or do you ever find yourself feeling like the least knowledgeable one in the room? Fret not! Here are ten ways you can fool anyone into thinking you're a natural-born scholar.
1. Discuss your academic dreams in social situations.
Whether you're at lunch with a friend, having dinner with a co-worker or even socializing at a party, casually slide in some of your intellectual aspirations into conversation. This works best when the topic of conversation is applicable to your academic goals; therefore, try your best to tailor the subject matter to fit your objective.
Here is an example conversation during lunch:
Friend 1: "Dang, this pizza is so fresh."
Friend 2: "You're right. It is, but I prefer Domino's."
You: "Domino's! Yes, one day I want to be rich enough to own a Domino's franchise. But first, I want to get an undergraduate degree in business economics. Then, I plan to get my master's at Wharton School of Business at Penn. I'll probably join a high-paying corporate enterprise after and see where my career takes me."
*takes bite of pizza
2. Substitute your Greek t-shirts with shirts that have math formulas on them.
Unfortunately, due to inaccurate portrayals in film media, many people perceive members of Greek life to be less academically-charged than those who are not involved. No worries. I have a solution for you. Instead of reppin' your house letters on the way to class, slip into a t-shirt with some gnarly math formulas! Not only will you get the satisfaction of people thinking you are all about scholastic life, but you will also earn the respect of the math majors who know what the formulas mean. Keep in mind, the more complex the formula, the more effective.
Here are some examples:
3. Ask questions with the word "ethos."
Even if you don't know what the word means, use it to ask questions about abstract ideas or concepts. If your professor assigned a long reading, ask your professor what the guiding ethos was behind the author's work. Or when you're done watching a movie with some friends, ask them if they understood the ethos of the film. They will be so impressed that you used the word, they won't even care if you applied it correctly. And if the question seems too vague or open-ended, you're probably doing it right.
4. When someone asks you a difficult question you do not know the answer to, pretend you weren't listening or leave the room.
If you're asked a challenging question you're unprepared to answer, simply act as if you were dazed off in your own brilliant thoughts. If you're feeling confident enough to the answer the query, follow up by stating, "Pardon, I didn't catch that. I got carried away, wondering whether or not to invest in Oculus Rift headsets. I could see a profitable future in virtual reality games". And if you're completely lost, excuse yourself to the restroom.
5. Use a thesaurus.
Nothing shouts intelligence more than a kickass vocabulary. Use a thesaurus to spice up your diction! It's easy. Type your normal words into an online Thesaurus, and let the internet do your thinking. This method is most sufficient for, but not restricted to, essays and other written works. Be cautioned. Do not pull a Joey Tribbiani. You don't want your sentence that once said, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts" to become "They're humid, pre-possessing homosapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."
6. Refer to current events by watching Snapchat location stories.
Watch an international Snapchat story and virtually experience a cultural phenomenon. After educating yourself, talk about it with your peers. They will think you are worldly and knowledgeable.
7. Refrain from mentioning the Kardashians and other pop culture icons that have famed themselves by disclosing sexually explicit content.
Even though it may be difficult, try your best. Most intellectuals keep up with international market economies and global health epidemics, not the Kardashians. Instead of talking about notorious celebs, make allusions to Barack Obama, Yasser Afarat, or Stephen Hawking.
8. Wear eyeglasses.
This is probably the easiest trick of them all. Slap on a pair of fake spectacles, and your IQ will seem at least 8 points higher. Look in the mirror long enough, and you may even fool yourself into thinking you're smarter than you actually are.
9. Associate with people who will not see through your fabricated persona.
Your mom and your closest friends probably know how intelligent you actually are, so use these strategies around people that do not know you well. Otherwise, you will leave people wildly confused and probably annoyed.
10. Nod along when your professor is lecturing.
When your professor is teaching in a large lecture hall, bob your head up and down in class. This is most effective during short pauses of the lecture because if people are watching, they will think you're really marinating on the information. If you make eye contact with your professor, he/she may assume you understand the material or have something to share. Immediately proceed to sneeze, cough or take a sip from your water bottle, so your instructor will not call on you in front of all your classmates
Follow these ten easy tricks, and you'll be on your way to looking like high-flying, brainy baller.
