I Just Moved In With My Boyfriend And You Never Really Know Someone Until You Live With Them
Like, who leaves the toothpaste cap off?
If you're reading this, then you've either moved in with your boyfriend, girlfriend or have started talking to your s/o about the next big step in your living arrangements. Kudos on you for being able to take such a major step in your relationship, because this usually means that things are getting pretty serious. Though, now that you've actually started the more serious part of your relationship is where you both start to figure out if you can actually deal with this other human being for, well, every day of your life.
As simple as that may seem or even as romantic as it can often time come off in TV shows or movies, it's actually a lot harder than you'd think. The whole notion of you and your s/o being in sync with each other and how picture-esque your life can be is a total joke. I mean, sure there definitely are a few couples out there who almost instantly work out their differences and move in like it's nothing, but for the rest of us...Well let's be real, it's hard work.
For my experience, though I had already been with my boyfriend at the time for about three years, it seriously brought some major fighting, baggage, and curveballs into the mix. I mean, the saying you never really know someone until you know them, really never felt so relatable. So, what exactly should you expect when moving in with your s/o?
First thing, if you haven't already seen their place, then now might be a good time to check it out. As weird as this may seem, being able to see the place you are moving into is kinda crucial. You need to be able to really figure out if you can imagine yourself living there for, well however long you will be living there. You'd be surprised how much you can actually hate a room until you realize that you'd be in it almost every day. For me, I learned that living in a dark space, was not exactly my cup of tea. (Even now, when my fiance and I are looking for new places to live, the key thing I request is a BRIGHT, living space.)
So assuming now that you have a better idea of what your potential new place is going to look like, your first major block in the road is going to hit. The furniture, more specifically whose you're going to keep/get rid of. Now if you are coming from a dorm room, furnished apt or basically a situation where you didn't own the furniture then lucky you, no need to figure that part out. Though, if you are coming from your own personal space, now is the time to really figure out what you are willing to part with and what you are keeping. If you just think that you can move in and bring in all of your large furniture, then this is a wake-up call. You both cannot have two sofas, two coffee tables and like thirty chairs. Narrow it down with your s/o and see which bits you both really like. This way, when you move in you don't feel like you're just living in their space and they don't feel like they are losing theirs.
Quick note, now that your bigger ticket items are moved in, you need to make sure all of your regular items don't crowd up the place. Just be mindful that you aren't knocking out their toothbrush from the sink with your extra items.
Next thing to consider is your daily schedules, I know it may sound like not a big deal because you were living your lives before without it being a problem so how could this matter. Well, now you both are living together in one space, you 6 am wake up time might clash with their 9 am wake up. If you get up earlier or your partner does, you have to keep in mind that you could be disturbing them. Turning on lights, taking a shower, even making breakfast can wake someone up and in cause make them kinda grumpy. Getting ready for dates is now different. You both are sharing the getting ready spaces like your closet or bathroom, maybe you take longer in getting ready then they do. You'll both have to learn to work around each other without getting annoyed or rushing the other one.
Now let's get into the nitty-gritty, learning how to work through the first three months of potential turmoil. Once the sunshine and rainbows disappear from you all taking the next step, you both begin to realize "new" habits in your new roomie that you never noticed before. This is when the real test begins. You both can start to realize that you actually really don't like the way your s/o takes so long in the morning to get ready, or how they might not clean up after themselves the way you are used to. Honestly, you'll probably sit there wondering how they find it so difficult to do things "properly" but they are 100% thinking the exact same thing you are about a completely different thing. It's easy to keep these bottled up to yourself, but when it comes down to you both having an argument over one of these things, you can end up blowing up on each other and making things really tense. Which brings us into our next issue.
Keeping your cool when you're mad at your s/o. Obviously, we should all on a regular basis be as calm as possible when in an argument with our s/o but when you are living together it really takes on a whole new meaning. Before, you could just tell them to wank off and not talk to them for a few days (which is obviously not a healthy solution to an argument). Now when you tell them to shove off you can't really storm off and not see them for a few days...they live in the same space, sleep in the same bed. You're bound to see them at least two or three times in one day. It's going to feel like absolute hell, but keeping chill and actually being a grown-up and talking about your problems will help your relationship in the long run.
Now I am no relationship guru or whatever kind of doctor for love but I am someone who has been in this exact position. From what I listed above, working through the hardships, though I swear almost broke us up, ended up making us stronger. And no, I am not saying it gets easier once you both have it all figured out because there will always be something you or they do that will annoy the hell out of us. (Like not making the bed every morning is still something I'm trying to work on. OR making sure the sink is clean every night.) Just remember to keep calm, be open and not imposing on your partner, because if you manage to survive this like me and my fiance did, then you'll be able to make it through anything.
