And listen, I get it, everyone grows up at a different pace. I pulled more all-nighters, with my daughter, between my 19th and 20th birthday, than most high school kids spent partying between their 16th birthday and when they finally turned 21. Being a young mom made me grow up fast, which inevitably caused me to outgrown you. I had hoped that seeing your daughter for the first time, knowing that you now had this sweet, little person that also depends entirely on you would help you grow up but looking back now, that must have been too hard.
That was 4 years ago. Back then I was lost and confused, I had no idea what I was doing. I struggled, heck, I still struggle just with a sassy 4-year-old instead of an up all night, teething infant. I learned how to really lean on my village for support which was hard for me because I was never one to ask for help. I wanted to be a super mom and soon saw that being 'super mom' was more than just cute cut sandwiches and snacks that look like little woodland creatures-- but I was determined to be that, and I did that on my own. Every night I told myself "I'd be fine, we'll be fine. We WILL get through this" and even when it seemed impossible, I did it.
Our — I mean my daughter is so smart, generous, passionate, and she's honest, brutally honest. She's so brave and fearless, and I know that you turning your back on her was the best thing you could have ever done for her. You never got the chance to crush her spirit like you always did mine, your family was never able to make her feel unwelcome, she'll never have to walk on eggshells to keep you satisfied.
By stepping back from your responsibility as a father you opened the door for a man to love her with his whole heart, as his own. You not being a dad to her allowed me more time to be selfish with her hugs and kisses and her "I love you's". We've built a life to be proud of, without you to get in the way. And while the first few years of navigating life alone were hard, I was able to find a man who accepted me for me, one who loved every single part of what makes me who I am, and above all loves my daughter more than the world.
I'm sure my family will see you out in public and I hope you never wonder what could have been, but I do hope you always live with a twinge of regret because you could helped raise one of the most amazing little girls in the world. Don't worry though, we're fine right where we are. I knew we'd be fine, with or without you.
I wish you the best, truly. My wish for you is that someday you grow up, and you're able to experience the love from a child, a child that you fathered, and one that you raise because being a parent is the greatest feeling in the world.
One day, I know my daughter will ask about you and I know she will be strong enough to hear the truth. Maybe one day, she'll reach out to you to see for herself, and all I can pray is when/if that day comes you can only be just as honest about who you became in your 20s and why you turned your back on that sweet person who had to learn way too early that sometimes, the only person she could count on was her mother.
Sincerely,
A Mom Who Has Been Kicking A$ Solo Since '16
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