1. "As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I'm totally flexible."
You know when you tell everyone that you have to go study, but you then spend 20 minutes making sure everything is perfect? This is why I never understood people who could just go study in the caf. I need to sit at a desk, in comfortable clothes, and a comfortable chair. It needs to be slightly chilly, enough so I'm comfy in sweats, but not too cold to where my hands hurt. And there can't be too much noise, but it also can't be completely silent. So, I can totally study anywhere, as long as it's exactly the way I need it.
2. "Nothing says coffee like 6:00 in the morning."
Do the gods that are in charge of making the finals schedule not understand the amount of time I put into making sure that I did not have a single class that started before 11 a.m.? Do they not care about the fact that my body is physically incapable of rising before the sun? I have been conditioned for three months to hate the mornings, and now I'm expected to not only wake up in the morning but also make it to the exam room and stay awake long enough to take an exam? Gross.
3. "A little nervous breakdown can work wonders for a girl."
You know that moment when you've been studying for like 5 hours and you physically cannot stare at your notebooks any longer? And then you feel yourself having a nervous breakdown? You order too much Chipotle, clean your whole room and maybe even cut an inch or two of hair off. Then, you somehow manage to finish the rest of your work in two hours and regret the hair you cut off.
4. "I need my mommy and I don't care who knows it."
College is very stressful, but finals add even more to that stress. Sometimes, you just have to call your mom. Let her know what you had for lunch. Tell her about that bug you saw when you were walking to the library. Call her after each individual thing you finish to let her know that you finished it. In case you haven't gotten the message, this is a reminder to call your mom.
5. "I'm just dealing with the usual incompetence around here, that's all."
Why are there still group projects in college? And why do people in college still not know how to pull their own weight in a group project? I get that finals are stressful for everyone but are you telling me that you have not had time to do 3 slides on the dangers of allowing selective gene mutation in fetuses?
6. "I'm just being dramatic. It's what I do."
Okay, so maybe I don't actually have a MILLION things to do, but I have a lot to do. And okay, maybe I'm not dying, I just haven't slept in a while. I like being dramatic, it makes life more fun.
7. "I want to chime in and be supportive, but I don't know what you're talking about."
I'm sitting over here studying the theory of linguistics, and they're over there studying biochemistry and I am just very confused. I have no idea how to pronounce half of the words in the textbook and the whiteboard is covered in things that look like hieroglyphs and I am just overall very confused. But I know they are very smart and will do very good on their final.
8. "I have no time for recreational reading until June."
We have done over 500 pages of reading this semester and have not talked about 85% percent of it, but you thought it would be a great idea to assign another 100 pages of reading for the final. That was a great idea.
9. "Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?"
Finals are the last chance to make your grades something your parents can be proud of, and it is very stressful. It gets to a point where literally nothing but passing your finals and your classes matters, and it shows.
While finals can be very stressful and be the difference between passing and failing some classes, it is important to remember that you also need to think about some other things as well. Take a break from studying every now and again. Step back and take a breath, maybe go see a movie with some friends. If all else fails, do what a Gilmore would do: drink a cup of coffee and hit the ground running.
