There are so many things I want you to know. So many things I wish I could go back and tell you. So many things I wish I could warn you about. Although I know that it isn't possible to do time travel, this will have to do.
First of all, stop catering to other people's needs. Put yourself first. Because most of the people that are in your life don't give a damn about you. Make yourself happy every once in a while.
Do not be afraid to say no every so often.
Quit being so close-minded when it comes to love. That's right, you've had bad luck with men because you don't like them. You're gay. Like, extremely gay. Which is perfectly okay, by the way. I know it kinda it you like a ton of bricks and it's scary to think about, but honestly, your entire family has known forever. They aren't surprised at all.
Grandma was ALWAYS right. I know sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but looking back I can guarantee you she always was. You shouldn't have taken her for granted and assumed she would always be around. She won't be. You'll lose her way too soon. Sooner than you ever expected or wanted, but it's for the best. She's in a better place and isn't in pain and that is something you will need to remember. Also remember to not blame yourself for her death, you know she would kill you for thinking that way.
Stop fighting with Poppy. He's just trying to be there for you and he gets on to you because he cares. Don't take that for granted either. He loves you and cares for you unconditionally and that is something that is so rare to find.
Stop begging for their attention. You have two amazing grandparents who have loved you and practically raised you, so why bother and beg for someone who clearly doesn't care about you as much as you want them to. In the end, it is going to make you stronger and prepare you mentally for life. Without the BS that they put you through, you wouldn't have been half as strong as you are today.
You do like cats.
Being the big sister seems like a pain now, but I guarantee it is the most rewarding experience you will ever have. Those two boys will end up being your entire world and you will be theirs. The bond you create with them will be something that can never be broken. As cliche as that sounds it's so true. I know it's not your responsibility to do all that you have had to do, but you won't regret any of it. Love them and never consider them an inconvenience.
And last but not least, always stay strong. You're depression and anxiety will never control you. They are a part of you, but they don't define you. YOU decide who you want to be.
Keep your head up, kid. You've got this.
Sincerely,
The New You
