I’m sorry about what happened to you, to us. I’m sorry that a man did not know how to respect a woman’s body. I’m sorry that we had to go through this. I’m sorry that we have to live everyday of our lives looking at us with a different perspective. I’m sorry that we can never actually be with a man without memories exploding our brain. I’m sorry that it happened.
October 25, 2015 was the day my body and I were sexually assaulted. That was the day my body died. That was the day I will never, ever forget. It was 4:30 AM and I was drunk, acting stupid, being a college student. My close friend and I went to his room after a party. I couldn’t walk, see straight, or speak a whole sentence. I had no idea what was going on, and I thought I was with someone I could trust. I guess not. He tore my mind and body to shreds. Bruises were left on my neck and legs for showing. The ones on my neck screamed ‘whore,’ while the ones on my legs screamed, ‘oh, it was just rough sex.’ That’s what the people saw and heard.
The day after no one asked me if I was alright. Everyone looked past my face. They looked right at my neck. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell, but all I did was walk away. I tried to walk away from the accusations and lies, but our lives are revolved around social media. People were hiding behind a computer, or a phone to call me slut, a whore, and someone who was asking for it. My mind started to slip away from me. I tried grabbing it, but it was too late, I already lost it.
My body and mind were drowning, while I was swimming through deep, thick water. Waves kept splashing into my eyes, my mouth, and my nose that it was so hard to breath. At times I felt like I was dying, but I couldn’t stop swimming. People urged me to swim across and get to the other side. It did not matter how much support I was receiving, thoughts about drowning with my mind and body always popped into my head. The water did not have any wonderful promises, but it seemed like the easiest way out. It seemed like it would take all the pain and ache away, but somehow I managed to get across.
My mind and body may have drowned, but I am still here. I don’t know how, but I didn’t drown in that water. I miss the person I used to be, but the person I am now is stronger.
My old body is dead and I miss her. I miss her greatly, but my new body is just as beautiful and wonderful. This time we won’t let anyone take advantage of us. This time we will know who is good for us. This time we will not have to say good bye to each other. I am stronger and wiser, and this time around I will be able to lift myself up and be able to swim through anything.
