This season feels like this in between. Like I'm about to find community. Like I'm about to figure out my plans for the summer. Like I'm about to be able to lay down pressures to prove and simply be for God.
It feels like the in-between place where I'm about to know. But perhaps it's about basking in simplicity in this season of unknowns.
I don't know what I'm going to be doing in the summer. I don't know what friendships are being rooted. I don't know what on earth I'm going to do with a major in English and a minor in music. I don't know.
I'm so eager to want to skip to the end without living the middle. To be through it and say, "Whew, I actually figured it out all along, But for some reason, for some gracious mystery, we never are going to be fulfilled with where we are if we aren't first fulfilled with who we worship.
I'm a big reader, so when I think of seasons and life I think of chapters and books. I just finished Henry James' Daisy Miller and the four distinct chapters, at least in my mind, represent four distinct seasons. Seasons of want and ferver, desire, understanding, and acceptance/surrender.
As I studied it, I don't think that the book is that different to how are lives are. We start with this ferver for life. To lean in and seek what we should know, to do all the things and do them all well. And somewhere along the way it gets confusing, unsure, and we start to fail a little. We start to sit and think that we deserve to know the answers.
I think we get it confused sometimes. Just because we know the maker of the Universe, maker of ways, and deliverer of souls doesn't mean we get to know anything else. Knowing Him, knowing that is enough. Accepting that and the things to come are the things that start what life really is.
It's not always about being in the midst of a milestone season. It's about living and learning and being shaped into who you're meant to be in the season you're in right now.
So, here's to living in the in between. But to living it wholly and fully committed to not knowing.