The best goddamn thing about this goddamn city is the FOOD.
They’re your best friend, right after the bodega-cat.
3. Coffee thermos
Because saving 30 cents at coffee shops every time you use it justifies putting off buying coffee beans for a few days.
4. Dog parks
There is no stress reliever more powerful than a multitude of happy doggos.
From nude plays to secret dinners, this app is a must for getting out and about.
6. Fall Jacket
Is it chilly outside, but a sauna in the subway? You need a fall jacket.
Because GrubHub, while convenient, will kill the bank and your fitness goals, trust me.
No. We don’t want to hear your terrible dance music blasting from your iPhone speakers in a crowded subway car, please stop.
Alright, everyone gets intimidated, but if you’re gonna let it get the best of you then you won’t make it.
You need to get rid of it. Bare essentials are all the rage. And besides, your 700 square foot, $2000 a month 2-bedroom for you, your boyfriend, and his friend doesn’t care about your 8th place track medals from junior high.
It’s good to have, but if you display too much of it you’ll end up broke or kidnapped.
We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it cause we’re everywhere.
The unlimited MetroCard will not work with successive swipes, and the weekly/monthly ones do not save you any money—facts.
14. No-nonsense attitude
There’s a reason why New Yorkers look grumpy all the time. With rent, transit issues, and crowds, we really don’t have the patience for random strange people to try and hit on us during our 45-minute commute home on the subway after a full day at work. Just because I make eye contact with you doesn’t mean you can talk to me.
Think about others. Proper escalator, subway, and street etiquette is a must even if you’re just visiting. Pretend you’re a tiny car and operate accordingly.
16. Politeness & Protection
Fuck politeness and if you’re uncomfortable, protect yourself. Most people are good people, but there are some creeps out there.
8 out of 10 New Yorkers will 100% answer any question you may have in a calm and kind manner (most commonly of the “where the hell am I” sort… unless you’re annoying or they’re in a rush.
18. Refillable water bottle
An absolute essential unless you want to get heat stroke while moving into your new apartment in June.
19. Suggested donations
Even though you probably should because they deserve it, you aren’t actually obligated to pay admission to many museums in NYC. Find a complete list here.
21. Tenants rights
No. You really don’t have to put up with that one burner on your stove that doesn’t work or that faucet that won’t stop running.
Because taxis are expensive and the trains suck at night.
22. Vicks Vapor Rub
It really blocks out the smell of urine and feces on the train.
23. Walking shoes
Unless you want to get plantar fasciitis.
I cheated a bit here, but honestly having plants in your apartment can help anxiety and make you feel like you’re not breathing in exhaust 24/7.
25. Yellow cabs
They’re only available when the light is on, and they will honk at you for not crossing the street fast enough.
26. Zone of despair
Also known as Times Square, avoid at all costs.