I know a lot of people like to categorize every girl into just ONE drunk persona; however, after my first year of college, I have observed that on any given night, your average girl has about five possibilities. With this newly discovered truth, I think it’s important that everyone be prepared to handle (ditch) the MULTIPLE drunk-types that come out to play on Friday nights.
1. The Over-emotional and Melodramatic One
Sad? Happy? Both? Why is she crying?!?! Chances are, her reason is slightly less than legit. Watching from afar (my advice would be to stay in this position), you’ll probably notice her friends around her helplessly trying to console her; all the while she’s totally ruining girls’ night out. On the other hand, if you are one of those consoling friends, I feel your struggle. If she’s really crying over something stupid (she loves her boyfriend too much, the world is so round, she misses her pet fish, etc.), it's time to slap that sob right out of her — metaphorically, of course… If she continues to cause a melodramatic scene, don’t let her ruin your night! Leave her to cry it out in the time-out corner, and go have some fun.
Note: If your girl has some real reasons to be crying (a recent bad break-up or family issues), then girls’ night out clearly is not helping, so send her home or leave with her.
2. The Drink Until She Blacks Out
This persona can be pretty dangerous, and really, kind of a drag when the rest of you are just trying to have some casual fun. I’ve seen this girl come out at all types of events, from a low-key picnic (with my family?) to a night out at the club. Regardless, she’s a handful, and can even become a concerning issue at some point. My tip for dealing with this demon would be to first try to talk her off the ledge. Unfortunately, she's stubborn, and once she has her sights set on the blackout, I’m afraid there’s not much you can do. So have fun with her, don't get roped into her plan of action, don’t waste time trying to hold her down, step in if the situation gets too out of control, and fill her in tomorrow when she wakes up with mysterious bruises and an entirely different outfit on. Hopefully she'll learn her lesson on her own, right?
3. The Super Sexual One
This girl has taken the sign above the bar that says “Tequila makes my clothes come off” a little too literally, especially when “Hot in Herre” comes on. You’ll probably lose track of her, only to find her later on grinding up on whoever in the corner, maybe even simultaneously making out with another mystery whoever. There’s no use trying to hold down this bombshell, so let her do her! She’ll wake up mortified tomorrow morning, especially when she realizes she tried to hit on her dorm C.F., so try to just make a joke out of it, laugh with her, and remind her to not worry too much about what people think.
4. The Sloppy, Stumbling, Word-Slurring One Who Claims She’s Not Drunk
She can't stand up, form real, human sentences, and her makeup is all over her face, but guys, SHE'S NOT DRUNK. LOL. If your friend is in this state and is still trying to drink more, grab her cup, or whatever she’s drinking from, right out of her hands. Either continue this pattern, or replace it with a non-alcoholic drink. She’s the kind of drunk that also has a very short attention span, and will forget almost immediately -- kind of like a goldfish. You’re being a good friend, even though she doesn't realize it, and she will actually appreciate you for it tomorrow. Or you could kind of be an asshole and leave her to deal by herself -- but hey, she's being annoying!
5. The Energized, Reckless, Seemingly Psychotic One
Sometimes, alcohol can bring out the Energizer Bunny within all of us. This mood could send her running around, screaming, stealing things (hats, phones, potted plants, etc.), dancing like a maniac, or climbing on the roof. She’ll be living by the motto, “You wont look back or remember the nights you got enough sleep,” and insisting you keep up with her 'til the sun comes up. For some fun, you could try to be her partner in crime for the night; but if you're not on her level, you will quickly find yourself exhausted. So my advice would be to either have some Red Bull and get with it (WOO!), or pull out and let her run away, probably without even noticing you've peaced.
