Commercials Are Dumb
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Arts Entertainment

Why Do Commercials Suck Now?

We used to have Gerber babies, now we have boxes.

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Why Do Commercials Suck Now?

Normally, I like to keep my mind filled with important issues. I keep abreast of politics and cultural progression daily, and I think I'm a better person for it. But sometimes I feel like so many things are shoved in our face in the media, or on Twitter and Facebook, or even just in our work lives. The fact that we have headlines every single day reporting on another celebrity death, or bombing, or terror attack, or school shooting, has bamboozled us into a point of submission. Sometimes we're shown so much shocking material that things get to pass in front of our faces completely unscathed.

This is why I find it shocking that I've only just realized how stupid company mascots are becoming.

Seriously, I know this sounds crazy, but has anyone else sat around and thought about how Flo (the Progressive Insurance commercial rep that is oddly hot) has been replaced by a talking box? I repeat, a talking box. Progressive Insurance literally replaced a human woman with a weird talking box that has creepy flappy cardboard stubs for arms, and a thousand-yard stare that's coming from eyes that look like they belong to a character from "Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared."

You might say "Oh Thomas, you're overreacting. That's just one example." And I would respond by showing you a picture of the Cologuard mascot, who also happens to be a freaking talking box!

But my rant goes even deeper. I realize that a box is dumb, but I honestly think that some other, human, mascots that can be even dumber. Like Peter Dinklage and Morgan Freeman in their dual Doritos/Mountain Dew commercial. Their whole commercial is them standing in a parlor-like room and taking a bite of a Dorito, or a sip of Mountain Dew, and then lip-syncing while walking towards the camera. Like what? What is that? Is this supposed to be cool because they're famous or something? I just don't get it.

Again, I only came to this realization when I was watching a Progressive commercial during the news (in which child immigrants at the border were shown laying on the floor in space blankets). But when did commercials become so stupid and, even further, when did the people that make these commercials decide that Americans were so stupid that they'd clap like a seal at a commercial of Tyrion Lannister chugging Baja Blast? I'm not saying that the old "by Mennen" commercials were highbrow by any means, but at least they had a catchy jingle and didn't insult your intelligence. Even the "wazzup" Budweiser commercial wasn't as bad as the crap that's being put out today.

I legitimately think I'm one of the only people thinking about this, but I wish that more people would. Why is it that putting a celebrity into a commercial automatically makes it one of the best commercials of the Super Bowl, even if it isn't clever, or funny, or moving? Have we become a society that allows nothingness to flash past our eyes for 30 seconds as long as it has a celebrity (or box) screaming, or singing, or faking acting suave?

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